For the Broken Hearted
(i)
I wish there's more dimension to our hi's
And more hesitation to our bye's
(ii)
This is the way it will always be,
I am the one who's going to align the stars for you,
to just see your smile,
and you will still choose,
streetlamps over it.
(iii)
Somewhere along the line of,
lost lovers and estranged friends,
i've force myself to remember
the one that always had my back,
is my own spine
For more of these poem, please follow the Instagram page @bereftsoul
So many amazing poems, hopefully to inspire the next generation of poets.
#poetryisnotdead
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Cynder here.
Poetry is defenitely not dead, and I love that you had that in your poem!
Ehem, anyway, I love the title, and it works it certainly works well with your poem. That said, I hope you don't mind if I critique it a lil bit. But then, you can skim over it if you don't like what I say. Ok then, here I go.
Good stuff first. The last three lines=perfection. Very well done. They were simple, beautiful, easy to understand... that takes some skill right there. So congratulations on that.
Now for the bad-ish stuff. I might get rid of "and" in line two to make it read better. That's author's choice though. In the second stanze, I would choose a replacement for "it." Because although in English language "it" is a "thing," "it's" not very... "thingy." See how you can't really understand what I'm talking about? We use these words as substitutes but... in a poem those words take away from the beauty of it all.
Those words don't show at all, and to be honest, they don't really tell. If you put another word in there, "it" would really help. So keep working on it, keep editing, as painful or monotonous as it is, it is worth it. Trust me.
So, there you are. I hope to keep seeing more of your works. Keep striving, keep writing, keep fighting.
~Cynder out.
Hello, Godly here for a review and happy review day!
Wow, these are pretty good. They are really creative and I give you all the kudos for that! Whilst you say they are separate poems, they still seem to link pretty well which is a good thing I guess. But in the nature that these are separate I will proceed to review them separately. But I loved them all and I will check out your Instagram. Ok onto reviewing!
Poem one:
It's short, sweet and really well thought out. You get so much across in only two lines! This is a very good trait in writing poems as it makes them impactful and thought provoking for the reader. The idea of wanting more out of greetings shows how the relationship is falling apart ever so gradually. And this is bothering the narrator to the point that they even notice what is wrong with the simple things. This certainly fits the heart break theme.
Poem two:
This too, is amazing. I love the idea of how you compare stars and street lamps. This shows that the narrator would give anything to their lover but those that give them less is seen as more. Whilst this is a show of the narrators strong love, it also shows jealousy which is formed with heart break.
Poem three:
This is an interesting one. The message is difficult to grasp at at first but it is impactful. The reader soon realises that the narrator is referencing to them self and how whilst others may put them down or disappear, the one person that will always be there for them is their own mind. They have their own back - in other words you need to love yourself before you love another.
Overall these are amazing poems and I urge you to keep up the good work!
All the best,
Godly