Running Away

#800080 ">Okay so this was all in all good but there were a few things that seemed like they needed adjustment.

intellectualman wrote:Running Away

Running away to find a place of#800080 "> <= seems like the "of" should be moved down to start off the next line (easier to read)
Unity, where all are accepted for who they are, where #800080 "><= same the last word just seems like its supposed to be starting a description instead of ending a line
No judgment is passed on anyone,
Never to be hurt again by those from the past #800080 "><= seems like there should be some sort of punctuation to identify the end of a thought here (period, colon, semi-colon)
Is what is wished, while I run away
Nodding my head hoping to#800080 "> <= sorry but here it seems like the "to" needs to be moved down in order to help the poem read more smoothly
Get there quickly, there to the place of #800080 "><= here and on the next like feels like it should be more like "...there to the place (next line) the place of acceptance..." or something of that sort
Acceptance by all
Wishing I was#800080 "> <= here and the next line it seems like they should have been compacted together rather that divided apart
Already there
Yearning to stop running away from it all.

Hi intellectualman

I really like this, There is a certain amount of angst and sadness in this that I can relate to. There are a few things you can work on though.

Firstly I'm not particular fond of the poetry technique of stopping mid-way through sentences. For example

Running away to find a place of
Unity, where all are accepted for who they are, where
No judgment is passed on anyone,

Would sound better if it didn't cut off midway through sentences. It feels a bit stuttered this way.

Secondly the last line

Yearning to stop running away from it all.

Is a bit to overcomplicated. The last line should be more simple and sum up the poem. For example

Yearning to stop running away

Beside that it is very good.

I like it!

I love these...what are they called...vertical poems? Yeah. This is really cool! I liked the emotion you put into it. Just a couple of things...

Running away to find a place of
Unity, where all are accepted for who they are, where
No judgment is passed on anyone,
Never to be hurt again by those from the past
Is what is wished, while I run away #8000BF ">Comma isn't needed
Nodding my head hoping to
Get there quickly, there to the place of #8000BF ">Perhaps comma should be a semicolin
Acceptance by all
Wishing I was
Already there
Yearning to stop running away from it all.#8000BF ">Epic last line; the last four are all awesome

I don't like your use of "all" and "away". I realize your poem is about running away, but it seems like you could have edited the poem further and replaced some words so it didn't sound so off with the repetition. On the other hand, I liked your expressive line breaks. Good job!

xoxo,
Kiicoh.