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The view of a tyrant

by insane

Infinite the options before me.

Infinite the power that adorns me.

Infinite the people that oppose me.

Infinite the blood spilled for me.

Infinite the praise and hate against me.

Infinite the words spoken for me.

Infinite the lives taken because of me.

Infinite the bowed down before me.

Infinite the resources given to me.

Infinite the love that conquers me.

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89 Reviews

Points: 13013
Reviews: 89

Sun Nov 27, 2016 6:11 am
Amnesia wrote a review...

hey Insane

The first thing and the only thing I can really say is there's not a lot of imagry or anything to this but the same line over and over and the same word starting the lines over and over. As a reader you dont want me skimming the poem which is what I kinda did once i realized that every line was the repeat of the one before. I didnt understand half the lines because it didnt make sense to me at all. other wise it has meaning.

Keep on keeping on honey, hope this helps even a litte


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6 Reviews

Points: 903
Reviews: 6

Sun Nov 13, 2016 4:31 pm
Tiptoe wrote a review...

Hey Tiptoe here for a review (Excuse me if the review isn't top notch I'm pretty new)

This is an interesting idea where you have taken the repetition of infinite and used it to convey the narrator spinning into an endless cycle. However, like night owl, I think that some of the repetition is going a little overboard. I think the repetition of infinite is good for the poem as it helps to pull your point across, on the other hand the repetition of me is not needed as well as the repetition of the. I feel like you could vary the line lengths and punctuation a little more to make the whole thing more interesting to read as well as to emphasise the fact that it is the view of a tyrant. For example instead of saying: Infinite the people that oppose me. You could say: Infinite, people opposing me everywhere I go. And then maybe manipulate in a rhyming scheme such as abab to help build a rhythm. For example with the line: Infinite the praise and hate against me. You could link it to the oppose line and add in a rhyme to make it: Infinite, praise and hate is tossed between me - two and throw. (just a suggestion) But yeah, by mixing up the structure, words used and punctuation you are able to establish a better rhythm thus improving the poem as a whole.

Apart from that I like how you ended the poem and I feel like this idea could have a lot of potential if you work at tweaking it in order to make the whole piece flow a bit more and thus making it more interesting as a whole!

Hope to see more from you in the future!

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1239 Reviews

Points: 34882
Reviews: 1239

Sat Nov 12, 2016 3:04 am
niteowl wrote a review...

Hi there insane! Niteowl here to review this poem.

Overall, I like the message of the poem, especially the ending line. However, I feel like the repetition gets to be a little much and the transition to that ending line could be better.

The opening line is weak. I would scrap it and start with the second.

Infinite the praise and hate against me.

Infinite the words spoken for me.

These lines feel kind of awkward as is. I think you could do without them.

Infinite the bowed down before me.

Infinite the resources given to me.

First line here sounds odd to me. I would cut it. Second line is good, but I would move it closer to the beginning of the poem, like swap it with "Infinite the people that oppose me." I feel like the message here would be stronger if you reorder your lines so that it moves from the tyrant having it all to having opposition. Then the transition into the final line (being conquered) would make more sense.

Overall, I think this is very creative but could be a little more concise and reordered to match the rise and fall of the tyrant's power. Keep writing! :)

We are all broken. That's how the light gets in.
— Ernest Hemingway