Published December 8, 2007
ORIGINAL Version
"Breathe"
Fri Dec 7, 2007
trip the light,
transform the sound...
rumble in the ribcage-
open air;
dance floor.
flow.
REWORKED Version
"Love On The Dance Floor"
Fri Dec 14, 2007
The flights of fancy loom over unchartered ground,
She trips the light and he transforms the sound.
A rumble in his ribcage shares her vibration,
Trading rage for love and violence for sensation.
Where the lads and lasses find love on the dance floor,
A tender kiss from the sky you simply cannot ignore.
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138,356 Literary Works • 672,109 Reviews
Nice, I liked it. But there was one line I didn't get-
This line doesn't seem to go with the rest of it.
Apart from that it was good.
Didn't really get the whole meaning out of it.
its so short but its really good it dosnt need a whole bunch of words i think its really good keep writing