Published April 19, 2008
Striped stockings,
pin striped tie.
One look in your eyes
tells me
you're not on the sly.
Lipstick blood red,
with curly black locks
surrounding your face.
Won't you tell me the secret
to your grace?
Won't you share your bed
with I, a lover
or two or more?
"Come inside,"
she tells me,
"open always is my door."
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Canary word: Present
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138,356 Literary Works • 672,109 Reviews
Nice poem, but you really need to add punctuation. Without punctuation it was a little hard to get into the rythem of it.
The idea of the poem is original, word choice was good as well.
Overall a very nice poem when you add some punctuation.
Whoa! This poem is really interesting....
It was a little confusing the first time I read it, but now that I've reread it, I like it.
It's short & sweet and a little racy too!
The only part that was a little strange was the line break between "come inside she" and "tells me"
You might want to put "come inside" on one line and then "she tells me" on the next. But that's just my opinion....
Nice job.
>shell<