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140,852 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Wow. I really like this poem. You really described this "feeling of nothing" very well, and the poem is very relatable, I could really identify with it. I think the poem has a really nice flow, the rhyming wasn't that consistent, but I don't think it hurt the poem, because the emotion - or the desperation to feel emotion - was described so well. I thougth the lines with one word, that made the poem pause for a second, worked really well. The last lines, that cried for help, really gave the poem power, and the final line was really great, and ended the poem beautifully. Well done:)
Keep writing, I'm looking forward to reading more of your work in the future
Thanks! I let the rhyme scheme kind of represent the underlying theme of societal expectations. The rhyme scheme starting off as ABAB and moving to much closer AABBCC sort of scheme was meant to show how the individual felt very confined and trapped by the emptiness. I'm really glad you liked my poem
Thank you so much for your feedback!
Hey there! Such a lovely rhyme scheme and it does not take away from the emotion and message being presented. It is so hard for me to write poetry without rhymes of some sort and with that sometimes it can be tricky to still get the full message across. Powerful piece and I love the end having a sense of resolution, or at least the starting step to find one. It feels like this person is a burnt out fire with a few sparks left to start it up again.. those last lines being that breath to bring it back ablaze. Anyway great work and keep writing!
When i read this, at first, it felt like this person was all alone in the world. Not needing anything, It didnt care, it didnt have any plans. It just wanted to stay like that or even stay frozen. Its like its caged or trapped. It wants to let everything out and yet it cant because something is preventing it from doing so. Then, when i came to the end, i thought that maybe what it wants is help. Help, so it can release and let everything that its storing up be free.. s though it wants to be free