“Alice, Alice-
Wake up!”
The words were left ringing in my ears. Cold sweat dripped of my body and was caught on my loose t-shirt. My hands gripped my red sheets. The sun was still rising leaving most of my room in darkness. It was silent except for the occasional creek of the house, or leaves rustling outside. My eyes darted around the room searching for the person who could’ve whispered the words into my ear, but nothing. No one was around, seeing as my sister didn’t live here anymore and my parents were downstairs in the other end of the house. I hardly recall the dream although I have it most nights and wake up around the same time. Every few nights my mind lets me have a break from it and rewards me with a sweet dream, or a nightmare. But I don’t mind. ‘The dreams in which I die, are the best I’ve ever had.’ Winter was creeping upon the house. You could hear it in the way it moved, it was getting creakier and colder. The season brought so many mysteries and I loved that. My heart slowed to a reasonable rate and my body relaxed back into my mattress and pillows. The coolness that filled the air was fed in large breaths leaving me in a tranquil state. Everything slowed back down and my eye lids grew heavy. After a few minutes my eyes closed and I was back into a deep sleep.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay, well, that was a bit of a rollercoaster of a piece there...it went through quite a few emotions there in the span of just the one paragraph. I do have to say that including all of that in just the single paragraph is perhaps not the way to go there cause it does take away a bit from the various changes in emotion. I feel like those would be a bit more powerful if you split those up into smaller parts and tried to capture each of these emotions as its own paragraph here.
Anyway, moving to the actual emotions here. I love the way that you manage to create the atmosphere for what happens here. The description with the whole feelings and sounds also being used there, creates a lovely effect there, you almost feel as if you are the character there as they encounter these mysterious things happening around them with things going towards nightmarish and then coming back to everything being comforting. It really manages to bring across the rollercoaster in a way that the reader can try and relate to here which is great.
Overall, this was a pretty neat little piece here. Seems like it could make for quite an interesting story there...with the whole winter feels like its home and the creepy whispers at midnight, certainly something that I would read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Wow! this is amazing piece of prose . Being said that I'd like to say, a little bit more information can something what we call icing on a cake but that is my personal choice. By the way I like the way you've described the state of dreaming and the portrayal of the character is well laid. I guess this is just a chapter of your amazing story. I may be waiting for your next part of the story. Regarding grammar I'd suggest proper spacing between the sentence or in other words you may divide this work into pieces. By the way an this is no doubt a great piece of work.All the best for the next part if you're planning any.
Keep up the good work and keep writing
gauravkundu32
I really enjoyed this and didn't mind that it's short. I think it might help to break it up into smaller paragraphs.
Other wise the flow is nice and keeps the readers interest. I will be looking out for more for this story. Interested in how your gonna make this something new and different from other Alice in wonderland stories.
Good luck and above all have fun writing.
This has potential. Your writing style really flows. The only thing I would suggest is breaking it up into paragraphs and taking the quotations out around the phrase 'The dreams in which I die, are the best I've ever had' Also you could probably take out that comma in the before mentioned phrase.
One more thing: Either at the beginning write "Alice, Alice - Wake up" one the same line or make them seperate with quotations such as "Alice, Alice- "
"Wake up"
As though maybe the lines are coming from multiple people, but that is up to you.
I'm curious to see where you will go with this, the way you open and close this up is very successful and I hope to see more from you on this storyline.