Published June 19, 2011
Everyone knows garbage men pick up garbage, but this garbage man is a little different than most. He's not very smart and has no clue what he's doing.
One day, Bob was doing his job picking up garbage. He went to a school to get their garbage, but instead of getting it from the dumpster outside he went inside the school. He ended up in the school's gym. He was looking for more garbage to bring to his truck. He found a garbage can and took it with him. He started to leave, but he couldn't. Both exits were locked. He was trapped in the gym of a school with nothing to eat, drink, or do.
It had been 3 hours and he was still there. He was starting to get a little hungry. He was so desperate he looked through the garbage to find food. He found a couple pieces of bread and thought it was better than nothing. He sat there eating the bread. After he finished what he found he hoped there would be more bread or other food in the garbage can so he continued to look. Finally, someone opened the gym door and Bob was able to leave.
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Ok your short story (heavy on the short) but that's ok;
This seems like you took time out, and put pen to paper (or fingers to keys) and didn't stop, just let your ideas flow, and had fun. I like it. Taking time just to relax, and let your mind go, great warm up or wind down exercise. I hope you had fun, good luck, and keep writing!
~Zanna Shepherd
Hello,
I'm here to review your short story.
I'm actually a fan of short sentences, so well done with those! Very easy to read and the style is somehow... hilarious (in a good way). But I think most will agree with me that the story seems to be a bit pointless. I mean, it was really cool to make the garbage man eat garbage, but then it just ended with him getting out of the gym? So what is the message of all that?
Also, some tiny remarks:
I'd say school gym instead of the gym of a school.
Commas missing after finished and after can.
***
On the whole, as I said - elaborate more on the idea. It could be something really touching and thought-provoking if you put some soul in it