Published January 15, 2013
Long, long ago in a far away land named Sansoria, a beautiful baby girl named Emily Royal was born into a royal family who had unlimited power and riches beyond believable. You may think this is a start of a normal story with a happily ever after, but this is no fairytale. Emily was born into a family of generations who were known as ruthless rulers and could care less about their people. You might wonder why the people didn’t leave the kingdom behind to find a better life. The answer to that is, they couldn’t. The original royal family was born with strong powers and cast a powerful boundary spell along the edges of the kingdom, so whoever came in stayed in. The people were thought of as slaves to the royal family, and whoever disobeyed their orders was put in prison or killed. Unlike the rest of her family, Emily, was born with a good heart and couldn’t hurt a fly.
Emily’s servants raised her, because her parents were always busy running the kingdom and never had time for her. So she grew up not knowing much about whom her parents truly were and how much harm they caused the people. Only the good was reported to Emily, and that’s the way it stayed, all of fifteen years that is. Emily began getting anxious about spending time with her parents and beginning to learn how to rule since once she turns twenty-one the kingdom would become hers.
Emily got tired of her daily routine in the castle and craved to see what wonders were beyond the castle walls. After months of asking to leave the castle she decided to take the matter into her hands and sneak out of the castle alone. She was able to make a clean get away, and check into a small peaceful inn to stay at for the rest of the night. When she woke she looked out her window expecting the streets to be filled with people and see the lively village she was told about. Instead, she saw nothing but closed doors, shut windows, and the street completely empty. She grew very curious as to why everybody was in his or her houses and everywhere she looked was like a ghost town. She went to the front desk of the inn and asked, “Why is everybody locked up in their houses and why do the streets look so bare?”
The innkeeper popped out from his office replied, “Something terrible has happened. The princess has gone missing!”
“Well why does everybody seem so afraid to go out of their house? The princess is harmless, is she not?” Emily questioned.
“Are you new in town or just insane? Don’t you know how dangerous this place is, especially if there’s a Royal running lose around the kingdom?” The innkeeper replied in surprise.
Feeling insulted Emily answered, “What are you talking about? From what I have heard, Sansoria is a wondrous place and is ruled by the best king and queen in all the land,”
“Well you must be talking about the kingdom before the Royal family took over and sabotaged our beloved Sansoria, along with all of us,” said the innkeeper. Emily, barely able to keep herself from blowing up, managed to quickly walk away and return to her room. Feeling confused and betrayed, Emily lay on her bed and cried until she felt like she drained every bit of water out of her system and sat motionless for the rest of the day.
Emily felt like she was lied to for her entire life, and found out the truth about her parents and kingdom from an innkeeper. She was heartbroken for her people and destroyed by the fact her parents were monstrous people who cared for nothing but power and money. She wanted to find out more about her parents, and what harm her ancestors caused the people of Sansoria.
In order to start her journey of finding out the present Sansoria, she began with the innkeeper. Emily apologized for her actions and said it was just a big shock to her how different her expectations were on the kingdom compared to reality.
“So, what do you think of the king and queen?” Emily wondered.
“They are ruthless, selfish, evil, and powerful people just like their ancestors. I bet their daughter, the princess, is just like them, maybe even worse,” the innkeeper grumbled
“Why would you ever think that? What if the princess is different, unselfish, and wants what is best for all of us?” Emily asked.
“Every generation there are some of us that hope everything will change, but are let down every time. They take everything from us and keep us captured as slaves.”
“That’s terrible. I also can’t help but wonder how they are born so evil without a trace of goodness in their hearts,”
“You see every child is born with a good heart, but the Royals are different. They grow up kind and loving, but once they take the thrown they are cursed with a dark and magical power that changes them completely. Their hearts disappear and all of their feelings turn into greed and selfishness and grows as they age.”
“What? I can’t believe it. Why were only the Royals cursed with this awful power? Is there a way to stop it from carrying on to the next generation? Does it really change all of their feelings?”
“I’m not a huge story teller I’m just the innkeeper, but I can lead you in the direction of somebody who would know all the answers to your questions. He is the oldest and wisest person in all Sensoria.”
“Who is this man you speak of and where can I find him?”
“In all the years this man has lived, nobody, and I really mean nobody has ever figured out his true identity,”
“Why not? Surely somebody must have found him and asked for his name,”
“OH NO! You must never ask for his name, that’s a certain death wish! The legend says, anybody who figured out or even came close to finding out his real name was cursed with living the rest of his or her life suffering a long and painful death. For this reason everyone has given him the name, the cursed one,”
“How did anybody get information then?”
“Nobody knows, but years ago I heard that if you have a good and strong heart, no guilt, and a reason worthy of his help if you want to make it out alive, and if not well you’ll end up like all the rest,” the innkeeper sighed. Emily began to turn pale at the thought of dying, but if she didn’t go to the cursed one she would become a ruthless ruler just like her parents, and her people would continue to suffer.
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Hello imaginedragons! Welcome to YWS! Love your username, by the way! I also love your plot! This is a really interesting plot idea, of a princess trying to escape the curse and save herself and her kingdom from herself. I like it. I think it could make a good long story, and that it would be great if you buffed it out and made it into a full length novel. You very quickly get into the main meat of the story. Spreading this all out over chapters and thousands of words would be cool.
What could also be really good is if, instead of telling us at the start that Emily's parents are evil, we could be deceived for ages like Emily and then we could learn at the same time as her. I'd also like more description of Emily, or you could have more times when she could demonstrate that she's nice. Like, when she goes out into the town, she could meet the poor people and try to help them a little or something. I want more description of everything. I basically just want more; I have to agree with the other reviewer that we don't know much about it all. In fact, I agree with the other reviewer entirely; it feels like this is a fantasy story, or set in the past or something, but you don't tell us?
I also think that the way the innkeeper just tells her everything is a bit simple. Make it more interesting, make there be other characters. BY the sound of things she's just going to go and jolly off and get the curse fixed by this chappy, the cursed man. Where are the intricacies, the plot twists? Maybe the innkeeper should be reluctant to help her, or maybe he can't help her at all and she has to start again from scratch.
It's all just too easy.
I want to know more about the innkeeper, and Emily, and her parents, and the servants who raised her. I want more!
I hope you add more, and if you do, I'd love to read it, so send me a message. Also, if you upload a later part, send me a message as well!
I hope I've helped a bit. This could be a great story so I really want you to add more to it!
This is a very intriguing story. It started out a little iffy, because it sounded slightly childish when you said "if you think this is a normal fairy tale..." but I suppose I understand why you wrote that, though it works better when in a movie than it does in a book/written work.
I think that you have a very good idea going here and I would love to know more about the characters, but there are certain things that should be established by now. You never really describe the setting. You said that the streets were deserted and people were in their homes, but is it a rundown small village type place? Or is it more like skyscrapers and city lights? What time period is it, if there is one? And you didn't describe much about the inn or what people look like either, which are all very important because the inn is where the princess is staying, and if we can't picture your characters how are we supposed to be interested in your story?
Other than those, everything else could probably be fixed if you went back through this and read it aloud to yourself. I bet you would notice certain parts of it that don't necessarily make sense or sound right together.
You're off to a great start and I hope you upload the next part soon! It's a very good story so far.