Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence.
Creepys and crawlies that scale the tents anew.
The painted faces that watch from the rings point of view
The eyes that watch, the shadows that move,
The hands that reached for yours,
Don’t move.
Light that frightens, light that protects
Find the keeper, the key that rejects
The sins that kill the sins that steals
The puppets that call the demons to kneel
The circus is in town; do not waste your breath
It creates your new character depth
Do not be afraid, it’s time to go.
Come and join the festivities and enjoy the show.
1st mistake: Entering
The day had ended and dusts red glow was dampening.
Across town in a large valley opening
Lay a familiar type of tent and the music of fun.
The circus was in town but not just any cirque of one,
This cirque is a place of horrors and freaks.
Horrors that would make any grown man feel the shrieks.
A man waited at the front gate
Twitching and pondering why his date was so late.
His hand in his pocket,
Titling with a locket
That had with it his future,
it went against all his nature.
Who would have thought, a simple ring would make him so worried.
“Carl!” there she was, tripping as she hurried.
Though her outfit was lame
Tatter jeans and a t-shirt that read Loas Layn,
Her beauty and charm rose from that hobble of clothes
Her shoes where two different type. She did not mean to oppose.
She wrapped her arm around his and off they went.
They saw the strangest of things; two headed poodle, a man whose back strangely bent
Far beyond that which was natural, a bearded lady, a massive bird in a cage,
Carol gestured for food, but she did not want to engage.
A tall man offered a flyer, “do not leave yet, you have only seen
The side attractions, the pity, and the lame. Go to the tent and you will not want to leave.”
The man walked away and the two stared in wonder.
“Why do I feel like someone will steal our money, our plunder?”
“Come on. This will be fun.” Coral pulled her to the red and purple canape.
He wanted to go, he wanted to hurry
For he made sure before hand that his question will be remembered.
He had gone that morning before and as talked to the owner if it was alright
To propose to his girlfriend. Oh she would be in such delight.
The ring master scowled and looked away
His short body and his French accent took carol too much dismay.
“I will think about it, but no promises. How much will you pay?”
The image of the French midget and his greedy eyes
Made his stomach curl, his future wife looked to him in surprise.
He waved her off and they entered the tent
Not knowing the eyes that watched with a different intent.
From the shadows two eyes leered
As the girl turned, the feeling disappeared.
They went to their seat, center middle row
There were not many that were attending the show.
In a short time the lights they did dim
The short French man wattled out and shouted, “Let the show begin.
Though I must warn you,” the midget went on.
“this show is not for the faint hearted the old or the young.
Those that wish to not be mortified should leave.”
He waited and checked under his sleeve.
“Very well. He said after ten seconds
he turned to the center and opened his arms and beckoned
The first act walked out, a man pulling a rope that was tied to something heavy
He pulled and moved and to everyone surprise
He was pulling and elephant’s skeleton but it still had its eyes.
He pulled it to center stage then let out a deep breath.
Everyone clapped and cheered for bringing the animal that seeped of death.
The girl grasped Carol and asked under her breath,
“Did that things eyes just twitch?”
“don’t be silly, the thing is obviously dead”
“that was nothing special,
just wait till the real spectacle.
May I introduce a woman of many shapes, she will warp and twist the bust,
And I am not just talking about your minds. I introduce, Lust.”
The woman that entered was in not in any way attractive
With all that weight, she should be a little more active.
The stretched dress that she wore was a faded scarlet.
Ripped up the seams as if it were trying to breathe through a corset,
That was not the strangest thing yet,
She was carrying what looks like a refrigerator on her back.
She placed the heap down and moved to the skeleton’s slack
Her mouth opened and her insides came out
They expanded and corroded like a water spout
it turned grey and floated over skeleton’s form.
Than all at once it came to life and began to squirm.
The two gaped, pondered and leered,
The cheering became louder as more people appeared.
The newly revived elephant stood and walked about.
In circles as the crowd and the ring master began to count.
“One, and two and three and hoovered”
Lust appeared again from the circus quiet unclothed.
Her back to the crowd, thank god for that.
No one wanted to see what she had, that cat.
As she left two clowns appeared dressed in colorless and heaved
One-pieces dotted in white and overalls that held shirts so long sleeved.
Their faces covered with masks so white and empty
Imagining their expression made her feel shifty.
Dancing and prancing all around the ring
At the end they bowed, twisting their fingers as if their smiling.
Suddenly it got dark as the lights went out
Echoed a scream a frightening shout.
On her lamp landed something heavy and wet.
She looked to her boyfriend but their eye could not be met.
She calls for him but there was no respond.
She reached into her purse for her lighter and her “Extra eyes as she said.”
“but through the light laying on her lap was her boyfriend’s head.
Too shocked and frightened to scream she cowered
But behind her was a noise of something spattered.
A whitened ghoul crawled over the chairs, its head snapped side to side.
There were more around; hundreds, there was nowhere to hide.
Then as they reached, she fell through the floor
She hit the ground hard, she was shaken to the core.
Around her was a series of mirrors stacked one on the other.
But in the reflection was a child small alone with no father or mother.
It took her a while and many series of strange gestures,
the childs heads her own and filled covered with frightened tears.
In the mirrors she saw a pink box with a bow of turquoise.
Inside was a dress that seemed to be her size.
She stared at it and puts it on over her large clothes.
“it would look better without that.” A voice said under the shadows.
“You really don’t have any taste in style poor thing”
He walked out into the light his head almost hit the ceiling.
He was slinder and wearing all black, a white mask and gloves and a floating top hat.
“What just happened? Are you going to kill me? Who are you?” she asked as she sat back.
“Oh how rude of me. I am the keeper
The knowledge and the seeker.
Find what you may, keep what you want, but my secrets are deeper.
Enjoy my circus as best you can and all
Keep a light going, stay in the light in the hall
Find your place here, keep truth in your voice.
Do this or perhaps not, it’s your choice.”
“What if I don’t? What if I lie?”
He twisted his fingers as if to smile. “you will die.
Tootaloooo ado ado.
I will see you as I see all things a new.”
She struggled to get up, to stand, and walk.
She found it strange her new voice, the high pitched squawk.
She opened the door into the long hallway.
“Oh one last thing-“the keepers voice echoed
“in each room a test will be showed.
An embodiment of sin you are to overcome on your own.
If you cannot, and I say this quite loosely
You’ll never again see your ooogy smoochly.”
“he is alive?” She called out tears still on her face
“As alive as one could ever be in this place.”
Her moral was fixed, she had a new objective.
She walked down the hall with a more courageous perceptive
The halls were fill with bits and bobs
Things that would only be found in circus jobs
There were popcorn popper, plushies of pandas and bunnies
Juggler pins and balls, outfits for all of the circus workers
One thing caught her eye under a light that flinched
She hand never seen one before, it made her body twitch.
A psychic reader machine, the gypsy and all
The cards were laid out before her glass ball
The eyes moved up. The girl screamed and moved back
The plasctic woman rolled her eyes,” look its another toy for his stack.”
Which one will you be I wonder?
Not fatty, or the slim, not the freak or the other.”
The girl walked up to the glass and looked with eyes wide and gleaming
“either way I have to tell…you… how … how this works-what are you doing?”
“sorry.” The girl backed up and listened to the woman as she moved her hands over her glass ball.
There are eight doors down this hall.
“one for each sin I know.”
“did you know that they cower when light is what you show?”
“Light?” the girl asked and from the gypsy drop box a red candle fell.
“Always stay in the light; it hurts them as far as I can tell.”
“Thank you.” The girl said and started to walk away.
“My sister will be at each entrance and tell and help you in their own way.”
The girl just smiled and turned and found a mirror
She was able to look at herself more clearer.
In the body of a six year old, fancy Victorian dress and her hair in a bow.
She looked to her future and the creatures she would face below.
Sorry for my bs rhymes and the longness if this chapter.
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Canary word: Present
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HI! My name is JAY!

Lol and so yeah.
*waves like an oddball at the computer screen*
*realizes no ones waving back*
*throws computer at wall*
*has a nervous breakdown*
Okay so to start off I would like to say this poem was very interesting, mainly due to the fact that you eluded to many different Gothic/dark yet you managed to keep if fun and not be too freaky. So I enjoyed it.
Now to being with this review I must start by talking about your punctuation skills and grammatical errors, but mainly there are some spelling errors. Yes, yes there are, and well in m mind when I read it I mentally fixed it and didn't focus too much on trying to figure out what the word was but yeah, I'm gonna be lazy and well yeah... just re-read it again and the errors won't be too hard to find, then fix them.
Also you rhyme scheme did in fact rhyme but there are some places where it does sound a bit forced like the line at the end where you rhymed "that" with "cat" and so I would just try to make it sound as if it's not by either adding words, changing words, or just taking some words out? But if you feel like it doesn't sound to forced then hey, leave it, I mean it is your poem, right!
I loved the whole topic of this poem and I liked how you incorporated a certain story line into this long chapter but yes, I enjoyed it. Please continue with this b/c I would like to read more and well yeah I'm not going to waste anymore of your time so BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
P.S. These lines I abosuetly loved.
"The sins that kill the sins that steals
The puppets that call the demons to kneel"
"This cirque and place of horrors and freaks.
Horrors that would make any grown man feel the shrieks."
"She looked to her future and the creatures she would face below."
-Jay.xoxo.
HI! I like the subject of the poem and I think it's really cool that you've done such a long poem.
I just have a few general things to suggest, not about specific lines.
Firstly, you missed out a few apostrophes that should have been in. I'll give you a link that explains how apostrophes should be used. You haven't missed many but it does make your writing look much more professional if you get the apostrophes right.
http://www.apostrophe.org.uk/page2.html
So check that out and I really hope it helps.
The other thing is your rhymes. Some of them seem quite forced, like the whole line is there just to rhyme with another line. I know in a reallly long poem it's hard to do every rhyme amazingly. what I tend to find helps is, instead of writing one line first and then thinking how you can make the next line rhyme, think about what you want to say and think of several lines with different end words that could say similar things and then ways to rhyme them. That way, both lines should sound better. I hope that helped, and if you want me to explain that more then give me a message!
It was a really good piece. I liked how you constructed each line. Though there are some corrections to be made, I still think it was great and I hope you keep writing.
Good job. There were a few grammar and spelling errors that I noticed, but besides that I thought you did a great job. The story is very interesting and original- I like how you didn't elaborate specifically on the clowns like a lot of stories about circuses happen to. Keep going!
Oh wow, that was...wow.
"She looked to her future and the creatures she would face below." I especially like this line, because it's the ending and it's just absolutely captivating! "The eyes that watch, the shadows that move," I like this line too, it seems very poetic and at the same time haunting. You have a skill for this! Keep writing!