I trusted you
With all of my heart
With all of my soul
I trusted you
I leaned on you
When times were tough
When I fell down
I leaned on you
I defended you
When you were put down
When you were made fun of
I defended you
I welcomed you
When you showed up hurt
When you showed up drunk
I welcomed you
I sympathized you
When your mother died
When you would get in a fight
I sympathized you
I apologized for you
When we got in fights
When you slapped my face
I apologized for you
But most of all
I loved you
When you slapped my face
When we got in fights
When you would get into a fight
When your mother died
When you showed up drunk
When you showed up hurt
When you were made fun of
When you were put down
When I fell down
When times were tough
With all of my soul
With all of my heart
I loved you
But you didn't love me back
You never did
You never meant it when you told me you loved me
You always lied
And back stabbed me
And cheated on me
And did so many other things
But I know now that I didn't deserve it
Even though for a while
You had me convinced
I was so naive
You treated me bad to start
I don't know why I was so surprised
I'm just sorry it was her who told me
About your secret betrayal
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hello there!
Here to review.
Those two lines are kind of cliche' to read.
Anyways, as far as I could see, your spellings, grammar and punctuations are quite well-written but even if it's like that, I really have to say it's boring to read. Why you ask? 'Silented1' already answered it. Repetition. It's because if you repeat it, you'll only let people skipped things which will make this piece boring. And I think, sometimes, a part of your lines are kind of cliche' and maybe originality can help you with that. Your usage of words are to common to read too, so why not look up to a thesaurus dictionary and experiment words? PM me for questions.
Keep writing!
~yuri
It way too repetitive, I think you know where you repeated things too much.(EVERYWHERE) I didn't even read it, when you take out the epic repetitiveness, PM me, I'll come back and review.
bitch bitch bitch bitch (bitch bitch bitch bitch)