Young Writers Society

Heyo! I'm doing a review of your LOVELY and RELATABLE poem!

Okay, first off, I like how you made it such a simple writing style. You didn't have to use an extensive vocabulary to write this poem, but it gets its point across as if you did. Its short and to the point, meaning it never gets off track and gets readers thinking of anything other than the hypocrisies of our society.

Second, I like the phrases you put in bold. The only change within that area that I suggest is emphasizing "Be like them" rather than "Tell me to", as thecolorofthesky said.

Also, in "To have my own style", you misspelled 'style' as 'stlye'.

Other than those things, I think this short poem was fantastic and very well-written! Keep up the good work!

Hi there! It's thecolorofthesky with a review.

Good Aspects:
The bold font really emphasizes the big points of the poem. I think you could change the emphasis on "Tell me to" onto "Be like them". It has more force. The entire focus of the poem is very emotion driven and holds truth. You have a clear picture of the paradox we are raised under is. Also, repetition is well used in the lines starting with "to".

Improvements:
You could smooth the capitalization and punctuation. Only capitalize lines that start a sentence and add in commas and periods for a more even flow. The poem could also be more specific about the aspects that society tries to impede on. For example, "cover up" or "be like them" are very broad. Cover what? The flaws? Be like 'them' in what ways? You have the drive and the emotion, no run with it. Lastly, i understand what you are trying to say with the last line, but I believe that there are better ways to articulate your meaning. The last line could be taken as offensive. People who are blind or deaf have different ways of reading or experiencing music. I know you didn't intend it to be so, but I would advise changing it. Make it more humorous in maybe a bitter sense. Like "as useful as a fork for soup" or something along those lines.

I also recommend that in future writing you experiment with styles and find your voice. Your writing is quite strong, you just need to fine tune it and present it with confidence. I look forward to read more of your writing!

-thecolorofthesky

Wow, this is really good and you are so right. I love the flow of your poem and it makes sense and is very easy to relate to. There is one thing though, i really don't understand your choices of things to bold. I understand that you bolded same to stress this point, but it don't get your other choices of bolding. They seem kind of all over the place with that, or is that just me?? I'm probably being sort of picky. I totally love your poem and how it flows very nicely, and also the last sentence, because it is so TRUE! Please keep writing, i love your work and i hope to see more of it in the future!

I'm a bit confused about your last line.

"record for the death"

That last bit sounds as if you are talking about a list of deaths. Are you referring to a record as in music? Perhaps it's just a simple mistake or a bit of a grammatical error and you meant deaf...?

Other than that, I just want commend you on a job well done. These days it seems like people are turning a blind eye on the realistics of life itself and are just seeking to chase their fantasies. Again, I love this, and good job.

Why is this so true, especially among family members (namely parents)? I can honestly say I've experienced this. I love how, as a reader, I can connect to your work.

Hey, this is lovely

Ok, so only thing I saw grammatically is

record for the death.