Published February 24, 2011
Silence is a line of thoughts
threaded through your ears--
tied above a corner smile
right next to your tears.
Silence is a heated sound,
it incinerates the mind,
it leaves me with a burning thought
but makes it hard to find.
Silence is the darkened voice
that whispers in your ear
it tells you things that you might like
or things you couldn't hear.
Silence is that tiny breath--
the one before a sigh.
The tear that drops right off your nose,
the hand that you hold high.
Silence is when music stops,
the harmonies fade out--
the cleansing beat is hung to dry,
but hushed is the song's shout.
Silence is the single thing
that I will not abide.
But when time comes to refuge me,
in silence I will hide.
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140,633 Literary Works • 673,570 Reviews
Hey again, Fixed. Oh, wow. This is really good. Amazing. I love the rythym, the flow, the way you twist your words and the imagery those words provide. It's brilliant! I like so many lines that it's hard to pick...but if I really had to pick, I'd say "Silence is the darkened voice that whispers in your ear" and "Silence is that tiny breath--the one before a sigh." Those are definitely my favourites.
One thing though, perhaps here in this stanza; "Silence is when music stops, the harmonies fade out--the cleansing beat is hung to dry, but hushed is the song's shout." you could try adding an 'and' right before harmonies... It might help that line flow more smoothly. Though, I never did like anything perfect. XD
Overall, you have a beautiful little poem here. Thank you for the beautiful work. I adore it! *clicks like* Keep it up and never stop writing!
~Scar.
Hello Ican! *reviews*
First of all, I want to say that this poem had its ups and downs. There were areas that really provoked thought, and then some that bored me. I liked the idea, but sometimes the way you worded things seemed a little weak.
For example, here are some of its 'down' points:
I loved the first line of that. Unfortunately, the second line sounded forced-- probably because of the rhyme you needed to complete it. It just didn't fit quite right for me.
I didn't like this stanza much at all. It was cliched, and the second part was a bit dull. It could be reworded to sound a bit more eerie, and it'll be a bit stronger imagery-wise. (Which also means that it will probably provoke more emotion than it does now.)
There were more than that, but that's just to give you an idea of what I mean. These areas just really lacked emotion, and they're dull as a general. However, there were some areas that I found that I liked. This poem had its moments of good imagery, things that pulled me in. It's just after that, you hit the bad areas and I was completely lost again. Check your word-choice, maybe get rid of the rhyme-scheme if it helps. With a few tweaks, this poem could be massively improved. (obviously.)
Thanks for the read!
~~Cass
Wow. I like it.
Intense.
I really like this too, it's cool how you managed to make it rhyme, yet still keep the momentum of the poem. You also capture what silence is like:
I LOVE this line, LOVE it.
Keep writing poetry!
I love this. Personally i think its quite a good poem but then again I'm no expert. I like the rhyming patterns and the language is fluid. The repartition is also very good and brings the whole poem together.
The 'it' is quite harsh, it sounds good but the rest of the poem flows well and is rather smooth the harshness is quite out of place.Although I don't really understand the usage of '--' to me it's pointless.
The last sentence does not make sense to me.
I adore the first stanza, anyway good work! I hope to here of more of your work later on.