Published June 19, 2011
The battle starts before our fight begins.
You fell in love-- I let you in.
See, these rants are cliche
And the outcome unbearable, although with every harangue
We tighten the knots that choke our vision.
Others echo the tirades in disquieted whispers.
Do they know it could guzzle them too?
They all know what we've been through,
But do they realize
The chase we engulfed ourselves in?
I tease you, but I'm harmless,
A lamb fighting a wolf.
And still,
Little is known of my power over you;
Even you, who plays me, is easily manipulated.
I am the one who got away,
And it drives you absolutely crazy.
Due to my fruitless embrace,
You cannot bear your insecurity.
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139,441 Literary Works • 672,564 Reviews
Son of a biscuit eating bulldog!! this was my cat's meow (dont have a cat but if I did this would be his meow!) This was short but damn did it pack a punch!
I like this, like a 'tables have turned' sort of thing.Bam! in their face, this was probably the best way to end this so witty I love it!♥
Heygirl it be fruity!
Okay I really liked this piece. I feel like it has a lot of depth that hasn't really been touched on. You just kind of brushed the surface of insecurity and let the reader do the rest. (sometimes lack of detail in poetry adds mystery and perspective in my opinion) and I feel like that's what you did here. Great poem no criticism!
Love, fruity! <3
You vocabulary was outstanding and overall your poem flowed very well. But I agree with someone below me, the title didn't really preface the poem well, the insecurity was shown at the end, but it wasn't a common theme. That doesn't mean the poem was bad, but you might want to give some thoguht to changing the title. Keep Writing!
Hmm. I hate to be the downer, (but maybe it's just my brain isn't with it) but I couldn't really find the main point in this poem. I know the title was Insecurity, and that was at the end, but insecurity didn't quite seem to fit with the rest of it. Also, the few uncommon words that you dropped in there added a bit of dazzle to it, but sometimes it's better to go with words that people know. For instance, I had never even heard of the word harangue. This was written very well, though, those things aside. Keep it up!
This is one of those poems I'll read in the middle of the night, with my eyes half-closed, frown plastered on my forehead and exasperation clouding my vision - but you'll still restore my hope in young writers. You've done an absolutely brilliant job. It felt like it could become a cliche, but you managed to avoid that very nicely, plus, you have a wonderful grasp of punctuation and grammar. I really liked the intricate use of complex words - it puts your point across even more and I, personally, have a weakness for interwoven vocabulary. Stunning piece of work my friend; I'll be first in line to read more of your work.