Published April 13, 2011
Build a house of cards,
And put me in the middle.
Take away my heart,
But keep a crying fiddle.
Hear the wisps of music,
and crystallize the tears.
Age the stable house
to build upon my fears.
Here sobs the violin--
a coarse, sweet sound--
remains of what there was,
and what is to be found.
A single gust of wind
collapsed the house of cards.
Away went all my fears
no longer my regards.
My heart stood vaguely shattered
all upon the ground.
You broke it into pieces,
and scattered it around.
The violin that cried
still sobs among us all,
for gallant songs of heartbreak
are written in our fall.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,644 Literary Works • 673,577 Reviews
I thought this was brilliant. Like your other works, it flows perfectly, and there is next to nothing I have to criticize about the grammar, or the meter - I liked the rhyming, and it worked as a means of making the beat more even. Overall, really great job.
(I'm looking through your portfolio, so I'm not ACTUALLY stalking you. This is just voyeuristic bureaucracy
Fantastic! At first I was worried about the inclusion of the fiddle but when I saw where you took it I thought it was amazing! The transitions to dramatic to emotional were great and the imagery of both were very thorough and complete. I loved it
great job!
Tommybear
I love this! I think it's really amazing! Well done
I really love this piece. House of Cards, brilliant title and it's just coming from a different angle. It's been forever since I've read a piece that's abstract and modern at the same time. It's really good and I don't think I'd change a thing =]