Burden

by icanbefixed

Published January 18, 2011

What is one supposed to say
If unsure of being drawn in
But scared of pulling away?

Such pain, such striking light love brings
That leaves you slightly blinded
As the flash before a picture is taken--

But do you truly wish to see
What the picture looks like?

The ivory stains of an old lightbulb
The aged idea in your head
That something was real--

To be afraid of what to feel
Of what to say
Is quite a burden.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
KasidieClyde
Comment
KasidieClyde commented Comment · Jan 18, 2011

This poem is bittersweet. Very straight forward, slightly confusing, but easily fixed. I enjoyed it. Flowed very well, good grammar and vocabulary. I liked it, keep up the good work<3

User avatar
Kafkaescence
Review
Kafkaescence wrote a review Review · Jan 18, 2011

I like this poem. I like it a lot. You have a voice - a voice that you maintain throughout the piece. It was this - the voice - that makes it so enjoyable. I have only one critique:

Such pain, such lame light love does bring


I understand that you were only trying to establish the feeling, but you don't want to go so over the top as to confuse the reader - and confusion is what I felt here. I would strongly consider reworking this.

Well, besides this, spectacular job, and I hope you keep writing!



It’s not unorthodox, I thought it was beautiful.
— Jimi Hendrix