I’ve always heard
that if I even wonder,
it’s not working.
So why do I have to ask?
When I’m with you,
I feel like everything that I say
is small
and that I’m only a body.
When I wasn’t ready,
You turned into a child.
Your bottom lip
the one that I always thought was the cutest
stuck out farther than it should
your strong arms crossed
and I felt helpless.
After it happened, it was so hard
to smile up at you
I know you were happy
you got what you wanted
but did you think about me?
I’ve always heard
that if I can’t smile,
It’s not working.
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140,247 Literary Works • 673,062 Reviews
hey there,
i like your style and i like that you wrote about something a lot of people could relate to. i also like that you used simple words to describe your emotions and that you didn't try to over complicate something that simple words could describe beautifully. it gives the sense that the poet has given up on the person they were talking about which supports the topic of the poem. i am no judge of spelling or grammar i am afraid as mine is terrible. i think you are talented but your writing could be much better with a little polish. keep on writing
sherine
hey geeky here!:)
first I want to say that I kind of got lost in certain parts.
"When I’m with you,
I feel like everything that I say
is small"
For this part I think I would put the is small right after the I say just because I don't feel like there should be a pause there, and when you read it the way you have it, it kind of makes you go back a reread... if that makes sense.
"After it happened, it was so hard
to smile up at you"
Same with this part, but after I noticed it is recurring I think it might just be your style of poetry !
Well on the up side I complety love this! my favorite part is when you started with "Ive always heard" and you ended with that too!
I hope I helped, and if I didn't then im sorry!
GOOD LUCK ON FUTURE WRITING:)
-GeEkY