Oh how beautiful it is
to live a life unseen,
warm and pure and radiant
like summer's golden sheen.
In the soft green lush of spring
when the children laugh and sing,
Oh how beautiful it is
to live a life unseen.
With the winter's calm gray skies,
when earth and sky compromise,
Oh how wonderful life is,
unchecked by human eyes.
note-- when I started writing this, it was going to be free form, but... some fiber of me wants to hold on to the rhyming thing. I just let it rhyme. After all, what harm could it do? I'm not afraid of a little criticizm...
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
It was alright. I liked it and it flowed well and you had good discription and stuff. It wasn't really anything partiulary special though. Keep working at it though and it could be great.
I liked this. Really good. I like all of the rhyming stuff, 'cause I think that it makes a poem flow better and also makes it seem more fun.
I can't say anything bad about it to be honest. =] Go you
Your rhythm here is very good. I think I'd scrap the word "Oh" as it weakens the impact.Your rhyme works well for you here, and the first stanza is great.
I'm not sure about the "how beautiful" "how wonderful" thing, but I think that's just me being a cynic, so you should probably ignore me on that.
Try to employ more use of imagery and emotion, and don't go for the available image or phrase.
You're getting the hang of the whole rhyming thing very quickly.Don't be afraid to experiment.
Nice, flowing, gentle poem! I like it!
Charlotte
Wow, this is a good poem. The only line I would change would be
"warm and pure and radiant" to "warm, pure, and radiant"
It just seems to flow better.