Published August 22, 2007
The day is young,
The tulips sprung,
Bright and colorful they are;
Like patches of
Mother earth's love,
For she is never far.
The warm, sweet night
Sings lullabies
To the child so innocent.
The stars above,
Mother Earth's love,
Like nightlights Heaven sent.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,613 Literary Works • 673,552 Reviews
Really nice.
Love the idea.
I love the part:
'The warm,sweet night
Sings lullabies'
Really good.Just needs a little work here and there,but overall. It was good.
I'm never one for nature poetry, but a suggestion is to add more imagery, more sensory to it. What do the flowers smell like? look like? Feel like? How is the heat on your skin? Add some more to it so we can feel apart of the poem, you know?
It doesn't really have a meaning behind it, or in it either. You're just describing the nature, which I'm never fond of. *shrugs*
Hope that helped?
i thought it was lovely(:
it's definitely not lame.
it was described very beautifully and it's also very simple.
maybe you can describe more, but keep it as beautiful as it is?
No way is it lame!
It was a tiny tiny bit cliched but I liked the cuteness!
~Charlotte~
It's not lame, it just needs work.
Okay, I get it, my poem is lame. Lindsay wanted me to write something that wasn't "depressing". :p
iQuippie--
As with the other poems of yours I've read, this is a metaphor that has been drawn out longer than its Carbon-dating allows.
In the future, you need to find other elements to make these compounds sustain their hulk.
Best,
Brad
I liked this, especially the lines;
"Like patches of
Mother Earth's love"
It made me smile and I like how you refer to her, after talking about new flowers springing to life.
It makes it seem as though Mother Earth really does spread her love upo the plants, and I liked that imagary.
=]
The enjambment in this is good. However some of the rhyming is forced, and you deviated from the scheme which you'd established, which threw me. I'd rework "The day is young", as it isn't fresh, and I wouldn't reverse the syntax of the third line as it sounds a little odd.
I hate to be repetitive, but, other than that, there is nothing majorly wrong with this, though I would try a rewrite and try to make it more original, evoking more imagery.Good luck.