Questions coming at me,
flying like bullets-
painful like bullets-
from all directions.
Looking back,
I still don't see
the same horrors they see.
I only see
a distraction.
I only wanted
to forget.
Now I can't remember what I was trying to forget.
So maybe it was worth it.
Okay, so now, maybe I am
a little different.
A little crazy.
But life does seem a little crazier
with bullet-questions flying at you.
It was divine
when nobody knew.
When it was only
me and my insanity.
Alone.
To forget.
What happened? they ask.
I wonder that sometimes too.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
Yeah, Charlotte, like self-harming. The **** that nobody should ever do. Oops, was I allowed to say that on here? Whatever, I don't care. No, you're not allowed -- Firestarter
Oh how unfortunate it is that this is unoriginal. That just tells me how many people there are that cut themselves.
But I'll try rewriting it...
Yes, this wasn't all that original, but, if I put that to one side, I have to say that I enjoyed the pace of this poem. You really conveyed your urgency, and I like how the ending was softend.Your enjambment is very good. Maybe redraft this altogether, using more imagery and emotion instead of direct relation of the tale, for the sake of experimentation. It could proove interesting.
is this supposed to be about cutting? What's cutting? I thought it was about you murdering someone or something. But It was good.
You kept me gripped as I was reading it.
I like this stanza:Okay, so now, maybe I am
a little different.
A little crazy.
But life does seem a little crazier
with bullet-questions flying at you.
I I just realized what cutting means, like self harming?
Good job
Charlotte
Yeah I agree this poem has been written a million times before, however I am sure this is where a million other poets start out and there is quite clearly somewhere you could go with this.
I liked the repition of the word bullets though.
But yes I think you should use more romantic and powerful words. I'm not saying don't write poems about cutting, just make them your own.
Good work though (:
~Ferris AKA Tara~
I wouldn't recommend using a thesaurus. That's not how to write.
Anyway -- this poem I have seen a million times before. I didn't particularly like the repetition of bullets or the imagery entwined with that sort of wording -- the first couple of lines worked, but after that, the poem seemed to die. Try scrapping the rest and sticking with that, and then trying to write something original. This subject mater is notoriously hard to convey, simply because of the nature of "emo poetry" and it's reputation.
Yes, sadly it is. I thought I'd try a little... non-fiction.
Thanks for the help with my wording. When I thought about this, it was just kind of blurry in my mind. Probably from when I tried to repress it. :\
I'll try to use better words.
Is this about cutting?
here's something to think about. Consider using more romantic words, like luminescent and resplendant. I mean, don't necessarily use those words exactly, but try words you don't see as much. Pull out the thesaurus and go with words that roll off your tongue, stir an image in your mind. That will pull this poem into the lead.