Whatever, Nevermind. - one.

THE FIRST I MET JAIME CORTEZ was in second grade.

He was a trouble kid and I was a kid gunning to stay out of trouble, so it was only natural that we steered clear from each other. I don’t think Jaime ever noticed me back then, but I knew him. It’s weird to say this, but I watched him from time to time. I mean, I just liked the way he joked, played, laughed—you know, that kind of stuff. And, well, I guess a side of me wanted to be part of that too. But Mother always warned me to stay out of trouble, and Jaime was exactly that.

I guess what you’d call fate was the one that brought Jaime and I together. It happened almost spontaneously—in a situation so far-fetched I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t believe me. But it happened, I swear.

It was a winter day. Wait, no, fall. Well, a fall day edging real close to winter. We were all sitting on those colourful mats shaped like puzzle pieces in front of a middle aged woman with thinning hair and dry skin. We’d just finished reading The Little Prince, a book we’ve been working on for a few weeks, and she asked us what we’d be when we grew up. Most kids said mediocre crap like an astronaut or president (which pissed me off because we were in Canada where presidents don’t fucking exist), and I said a doctor since Mother told me I’d amount to nothing less. But when the question reached Jaime, he said ‘dead’.

The class went silent, which confused me since Jaime was usually known for saying weird stuff like that. It was the main reason nobody liked hanging out with him. Besides, he didn’t mean it as a joke, or at least I don’t think he did. But as soon as he said it, laughter burst out of me for the first time that year and it kept going, and going, and going ‘til our teacher pulled us out of class.

And that day, Jaime finally noticed me.

Our teacher wasn’t having any of it, even though I was the only one laughing. She made us stand with our backs against the wall, arms straight, and said, “Jaime, death isn’t a funny subject. It’s very serious and—who taught you that anyway?”

“But I didn’t say it to be funny,” he muttered, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. “It’s the truth, isn’t it? You asked what I’d be, and I said dead. I wasn’t lying.”

I could tell that Jaime was sort of scared that she’d call his mom again. He had a glint in his eyes that he always had when he said or did something out of line; that moment of regret when he realised it was too late to take anything back. And me, well, I didn’t realise I was at risk too. Not until Jaime’s lip trembled.

So we both looked on at our teacher with that same glint and those same sweating palms and knobby knees, waiting for the moment where she’d turn to the phone and everything would go to shit. But she didn’t.

Instead, she put both hands on her hips, sighed, and said, “I want you boys to stand out here and think of what just went on. I want you to understand why that isn’t something you can just say and laugh at, okay?”

“Will you call my mom again?”

Her look turned softer than butter when Jaime said that. “Of course not. Did you hear what I told you?”

We nodded.

“Good.”

And with that, she turned and left me with trouble himself.

We didn’t say much to each other for a while. Didn’t even look at each other either. I could tell Jaime was actually thinking about it by how hard his fists were clenched at his sides, and anytime I glanced at him for a fraction of a second, he’d have his eyebrows knitted tightly together and his bottom lip stuck between his teeth, staring intently at his Velcro sneakers.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Jaime leaned closer to me and whispered, “It was kind of funny, wasn’t it?”

I smiled. “I don’t even know why.”

“Me neither. I thought of it, you know, but I still don’t get it. Why it’s funny, and why she got mad…it doesn’t make sense.”

I didn’t know what to say after that so I just said nothing at all. Besides, part of me believed that was the whole point—it wasn’t meant to make sense. And maybe that’s why she got mad. And maybe that’s why it was hilarious. Who knows.

Jaime and I thought of it for a few seconds, absently kicking at the floor and picking our nails. It wasn’t until our heads started hurting did Jaime say, “Hey, what’s your name?”

I found it kind of baffling that he didn’t know my name since we’ve been in the same class for a few months, but I told him anyway. Jaime frowned for a bit, his eyebrows still furrowed and his lip back between his teeth for a little while. Then he let out a long raspberry, spit coating his lips and flying everywhere.

“I don’t like it,” he said.

“What?”

“Your name’s stupid. What’s your last name?”

I blinked and stared. Stared and blinked. I waited for that punchline, a sentence or phrase or gesture to show that he was just kidding. But it never came. So after a minute of standing dumbstruck and baffled, I managed to say, “Carter.”

“Cool. I’ll call you Carter from now on then. Is that okay?”

I knew he would do it whether it was okay with me or not, but I nodded my head anyway. He then proceeded with the usual questions kids ask each other, like my favourite colour (I didn’t know mine, but his was red), favourite food (I didn’t enjoy eating, but Jaime adored pan de muerto which his mother got him at the Día de muerto festival), and even my favourite sport (Mother put me in soccer at an early age, and that’s the only thing I knew since. Jaime hated sports).

He even taught me a few words in Spanish even though I never asked him to. He was very proud to be Mexican, reminding me every other moment as if to assure himself that I wouldn’t forget. He didn’t look very Mexican, and I told him that, but he only got upset and told me I didn’t look very black even though I told him my mother wasn’t. But by the time our teacher came around, we forgot all about it, and for the rest of the day, Jaime sat right next to me.

I wasn’t ever sure how to break it to Mother that Jaime was quickly becoming part of my life whether I liked it or not (which I secretly did). I mean, she didn’t know him, but I knew that once she did, she wouldn’t have any of it. But in that moment, I didn’t care what she thought. I couldn’t, because all I could see was Jaime in front of me, beside me, behind me.

Everywhere.

And I loved it.