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Divine Wind

by hyperbole


A makeshift raft,
crafted from,
an authors dream.

This mayhap be -
a bit extreme,
however paltry and obscene.

A treasured shimmer,
All Hallows gleam.
a mystery apparent,
at the bed of life's stream.

With all the seconds of eternity,
upend the hourglass,
each second an infinity,
a eulogy en mass.

With this and now habitually,
all times will come to pass.

If to be believed then,
that all possibilities are true,
albeit this universe,
I'm not the one who's meant for you.

A kamakazi crescent blue.

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485 Reviews

Points: 21027
Reviews: 485

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Fri Apr 29, 2016 6:13 am
Elijah wrote a review...



Hello there!
Welcome in YWS, I see you are a new member here.
I hope you have fun here.
So, now for this work.
I want pretty surprised when I started reading this befause you use your own vocabulary very well. You do not use well known words to express such a thing as the wind. The wind has by itself many ways to be described. For a first work, you had done a very good job and I really do not have any negatives or complains to mention. Only one small mistake you need to correct and you are done. This work is perfect the way it is and the flow is going on smoothly.

an authors dream


It needs to be 'autor's dream' or 'autors' dream'.
It depends on what you prefer to say. I prefer the first, personally. You had started with perfect punctuation but mid way it was ruined. Only mentioning to use small letters after each comma.

Good job!




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8 Reviews

Points: 515
Reviews: 8

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Fri Apr 29, 2016 3:34 am
Ephemera wrote a review...



Hey there!
Firstly, welcome to the site! I hope you enjoy your stay :D
So, to start off, I really love your word choice and general tone. The language you use is really... in-depth? Old-fashioned? I can't think of the right word for it. Nostalgic, maybe... Anyways, most poetry I've seen uses more well-known words instead of the more complex bits of the English language. It's nice to see you stretched out an experimented with word choice and meaning.
I don't really have much criticism for you, unfortunately. I mean, I had to message a word-lover a few times, asking her to translate the general meaning of a few lines. It was by this method of copy, paste, ask, and find delight in her translations that I fell in love with this particular stanza:
"With all the seconds of eternity,
upend the hourglass,
each second an infinity,
a eulogy en mass."
I really, REALLY love that stanza!! :D
Anyways, you have a really creative, deep poem here. I really enjoyed it!
Happy writing!!




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67 Reviews

Points: 149
Reviews: 67

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Thu Apr 28, 2016 11:36 pm
PancakeandWaffle wrote a review...



Hey! Welcome to YWS, you'll find it's the best online writing community that exists :D
I really love this poem. It's got an amazing flow, good spacing, and you did superb with your rhyming.
You talked about things at random, which is a little confusing but I guess it's common in poetry, as I also find myself doing it.
One line that didn't make sense to me was this one:
"a eulogy en mass."
What does that mean? I THINK that the "a" should be "an," but I don't know what it means, so I can't quite say.
I cannot wait to read some more poems, you have an amazing style! Good work!
Waffle~





You must believe in free will; there is no choice.
— Isaac Bashevis Singer