Thrown into hell, part 5

Jesus... my last post was over four weeks ago? Man, I really need to get my ass in gear and stop playing games all the time...

___________

Taking a few steps back from his wife as he climbed down the last step, Mark was only able to get a glance of the next fire torn world before he was almost blown away by the violent storm that ravaged the land.

Grabbing hold of a stone pillar that was jutting out of the ground to avoid being sucked into the cyclone, he noticed that his wife hadn’t moved at all and was looking at him with raised eyebrows. Blushing slightly in embarrassment, he nulled the effects of the wind around him and calmly walked back up to her side, rubbing the side of his head all the way.

“Sorry, I keep forgetting about the whole angel thing…” Shaking his head, he opened his mouth to speak again but was interrupted by the unconscious body of Bill Clinton zooming past them and smacked into a stone pillar, attracting his attention to the tornado that had thrown him out. His jaw nearly dropped when he saw just how big the tornado was. “Dear god, none of Dante’s illustration’s even remotely give that monster justice; it’s got to be over 50 miles high!”

Standing tall against the empty landscape, the huge tornado twirling around the center of the land towered over the stone pillars that littered the landscaped. The very realm itself was completely red, ranging from the earth to even the sky; the first a dirty red while the other a bloodier one. Directly in front of them Mark could see a gaping hole directly in the eye of the tornado, placed there to prevent sinners from trying to escape.

Squinting at the darkened images twirling around in the tornado, Mark could just make out the distant figures of screaming people as they were constantly thrown violently about inside the tornado and a number of other’s walking or clinging to the ground.

“Well of course they didn’t, we only recently put that in; the winds from the old one just didn’t cut it most of the time since it mostly just spun people around inside it and occasionally spitting them out. Violently, yes; but it wasn’t good enough. This one on the other hand has been designed so that as soon as someone is sucked in they’re almost instantly spat out again, therefore. Of course, that’s not the only method of punishing sinners on this level…”

Following the direction of her gaze, he soon spotted three people standing near a broken stone pillar, seemingly completely unaffected by the fierce winds blowing about. It consisted of a male demon and a middle aged man and woman. While the demon looked extremely bored and had a pair of earplugs on, the male human was half standing, half sitting on the floor. A demented sort of look was present on his face as he nodded in agreement to the woman; all the while giggling weakly. Finally, as for the women Mark could already tell that she was in the midst of a nagging storm just by the look on her face and had been for a long time by the state the man was in.

Echidna just looked on in their direction as she went on talking. “That’s one of the newest additions of the forms of punishment that we devised down here; it actually all really started when an pissed off jilted wife stormed down into hell and demanded that we let her punish her deceased husband herself. Anyway, long story short, after 4 hours of shouting at the administration in heaven they agreed to let her punish him and he went insane after about 20 hours later, something which we think is kind of an accomplishment considering just how loud her voice. However, since it took such a short time for him to go insane we decided to make it one of our more regular forms of punishments. Of course, their have been a few somewhat unexpected affects…”

“What do you mean?” Following the direction of her pointed finger, he soon spotted the couple standing outside the ruins of a stone temple, clinging to each other like their lives depended on it. “Oh… I guess that makes sense after all; once someone’s vented all their anger like that and the one who’s cheated actually regrets what they’ve done their bound to fall back into old habits like that. But what about when it’s the woman who’s cheats on the man?”

“Well, that kind of varies really…” Following the direction of her finger, he soon spotted the man and a defeated looking woman sitting on a coach and the other pair in the middle of a game of golf. “The one of the coach was always forcing his wife to watch TV with him and the other one was an extreme sports-fanatic and I mean extreme.”

“What about when their partner leaves them for someone of their same sex?”

“Wrong level; you need to go level 8 for the answer for that one.”

A sudden thought popped into Mark’s head. “Say, what happens to them if their cheating on their partner with a goat or something like that?”

“Er…” Simply indicating behind them, Mark’s jaw dropped when he saw the goat standing on it’s hind legs in the process of smacking a dark haired man, all the while bleating in an angry tone. Behind them Mark caught sight of woman sitting on a sun lounger with a relaxed smile on his face.

He shook his head, a bemused expression on his face. “… You guys have to much time on your hands, don’t you?”

“That’s the understatement of the year as Satan can slow down the time of this world to draw out the sinners punishment far more than in the real world. Anyway, let’s not dawdle around to much; hell isn’t going to run itself while I’m gone.”

Mark blinked in surprise. “… Isn’t that Satan’s job?”

She snorted. “Well it would be if he didn’t have a completely obedient slave who possess the same level of power as does to wait on him hand and foot. That, and he’s a lazy bastard who tried to take over heaven to lounge about like god does all the time and avoid singing with the other Sepharim. He only really manages the punishment of sinners on the lowest level and maintains that hell itself continues to exist; everything else he leaves to me and Minos.”

“Er… actually, it looks like it’s just up to you know; I can’t see him.”

Looking around the windswept landscape, a frown soon spread across her face at the lack of said judge and the soon to be judged sinners. “What the hell? Where is Minos? And more importantly, where are the sinners that need to be judged before they can thrown into hell?”

“Get back here you damned sinners and take your punishment like the criminals that you are!”

Turning around, Mark could help but blink uncertainly at what he gathered was Minos, attempting to run after a group of giggling people with what looked like his shoelaces tied together.

Echidna’s reaction was far more composed. “Oh come on; how did they get away this time?” Sighing in a somewhat depressed manner, she clapped loudly, making Marks jaw drop as a yelp of surprise and pain was let out by every sinner in that realm as they were dragged by what looked like their ears towards them.

“Ow! Oh come on! I wasn’t even doing anything wrong this time!”

“I hate it when they use that spell! My ears will feel sore for a week!”

“You want to know what’s even worse? The one time when I get to see up Echidna’s skirt and she wearing pants!”

Muttering something angrily to herself about perverts constantly trying to look up her skirt, Echidna gave the middle aged man who had been lying underneath her a strong kick in the chest, making him shoot off the ground and into the tornado like a bullet. “I take it things like this happen often, right?” Mark asked her dryly as she dusted her hands off.

“All the time, and what happened this time Minos?” She asked even drier, all the while looking at the figure who was steadily hobbling towards them.

“Thanks Echidna, I owe you one.” Taking one last step to steady himself, Minos would have towered over Mark if he hadn’t been squatting somewhat painfully on the ground, both his hands holding onto his ripped trousers to keep them from falling down. “Another damn demon must have given those blasted sinners a cursed item or something, since not only did they ruin my clothes but I can’t feel one of my legs properly and I can’t seem to fix it with one of my spells as well.”

Something about what Minos just said struck a cord in Mark. “Wait a minute; did you just say that other demons did this?”

Minos snorted while Echidna just shook her head before he spoke in a sarcastic tone. “Well duh; there demons, what do you expect? That they would work together in perfect harmony to punish sinners? Sorry, but last time I checked it’s in heaven that everything is in perfect unity all the time and not hell, the cesspool of the universe.”

Shaking his head, Minos continued on his monologue while Echidna began throwing people back into the tornado. “Hell, the only real reason as to why this place is still in somewhat working order is due to Satan’s total power over them and even then they still ran amok a lot of the time." "

Heh, it wasn’t until dear Echidna came here that they actually started to really learn something akin to order. However, since I’m human they don’t respect me at all despite how much I help them and therefore make my afterlife as difficult as possible. Thanks; that’ll save me a lot of trouble.” He uttered as echidna fixed his clothes and removed the spell the other demons had placed on him, making him glow green temporarily.

Shaking her head, Echidna let out a sigh as she finished sorting out the sinners lying around. “At least every time you do something wrong Satan doesn’t remove all your powers and give you to the other demons as a plaything, Minos.”

His frown softened and a sympathetic look spread across his face. “Sorry; I keep forgetting that you’ve got it far worse than me, Mona. And that her original name before you say anything.” He added before Mark could but in. “You shouldn’t have got yourself involved with that countess, Mona; you could have let sacrifice all those people.”

A saddened look spread across her face as she indicated for Mark to follow her. “And let all those people become Satan’s slaves in my place? No, I couldn’t have done that; I would have been the monster if I had and it would have haunted my conscious forever. Besides, it not that bad all the time; Satan doesn’t treat me that bad himself and since he isn’t that fond of most of the other demons he rarely lets them abuse me apart from when I screw up and even then he limits it. Besides, if hadn’t done that then I wouldn’t have got my second life and met Mark, so I don’t regret it.”

“Anyway, let’s go before we get sidetracked any more, mark.” Nodding his head in agreement, he watched as she paused for a moment as she prepared to dive, her arms outstretched in front of her. “Oh and before I forget, you weren’t judged by Minos on this level since the robber fate had already been decided beforehand, Mark; he only really judges the sin for lower level sinners.”

He watched as she dived down the hole leading to the next level before turning to Minos. “Is it really that bad?”

As if expecting this, Minos let out a sigh before he answered, his eyes watching the disgruntled sinners lining up again with his back facing Mark. “Far worse than she let’s on; some of things the Baron’s did to her was enough to make me throw up the first time I heard them. She had pretty much all but given up hope before he allowed her to go to the human world and she met you. Now she turns the tables on them whenever she gets the chance, but it will only be a matter of time before she goes back to what she was before....”

He sighed. “I knew it; what can I do though? It’s not like Satan’s just going to give her nicely if I asked…”

With his back still turned, Minos threw a stammering sinner over his shoulders and down the gaping hole before he continued. “You extorted your customers for their money? It’s level 4 for you. Anyway, He still dreams of one day conquering the universe, but he can’t even put a proper dent in god’s power combined with all his servants in his present state now; even with her power at his command. What he needs is something that will tip that balance…”

“… Is their anyway to free her?”

“He’s rather fond of games, especially those with big stakes involved; he wouldn’t be the angel who fell for pride otherwise. He is a master of winning but it is not impossible; it has been done before. His most infamous loss is to the fiddle player from Georgia. You extorted countless people and after living the rest of your life in fear they hunted you down? Stupid fool; that’s what you get for pissing off so many people. And your life is about to get even worse; down to level 8 you go.”

Mark blinked in surprise. “… There was some truth to that song?”

Minos nodded in response as he tossed another screaming sinner into hole behind him. “Yep, what with how long the demons made fun of him, Lucifer couldn’t get rid of the embarrassment from it for years. That played that damn song so much and so loudly that even the poets on the highest level were complaining about it. You cheated on your wife with a goat? Great, another damn welsh person… Into the tornado you go.”

Chuckling weakly at what he had just heard, Mark uttered his words of thanks as he jumped into the gaping maul of the hole. “Wow, you sure do get some weird customers down here, don’t you? Thanks though; I’ll probably need that information later on...”

Starring at the spot where Mark had been standing moments ago, Minos just shook his head as he grabbed hold of another sinner by the throat. “ What a complete fool; he’s just like her… I hope he wins, I really do…”

“… Wow, don’t get many of you guys down here; not many people who get let into heaven are dumb enough to think they’ll get away with stealing from the sacred tree and pimping angels. Satan can have you for all I care, Mr. Stone... wait a minute; Stone? Ooh… so you’re the reason he’s here… the plot thickens...”

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four