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(Light walks into his room after a long day of work. He is really anxious because Misa was supposed to make a list of names. He notices the lights are off and flips them on. He finds misa laying in a seductive pose on the bed twiriling her hair, dressed up in a leather vest that barely covered her boobes and a leather thong)
Misa: Hey Light! I missed you today! I waited for y-
Light: (interrupts, obviously ignoring Misa) Misa, did you get the list...or not?
Misa: (giggles) Oh Light, work is sooo boring. How about Light and Misa have some "fun" (pats the bed)
Light: *growls* Misa, you idiot! Work is more important then your stupid sexual needs! Don't you understand that I am becoming GOD OF THE NEW WORLD! GOD cant waste his time on pleasure.
Misa: Does this mean your not coming to bed tonight?
Light: MISA! JUST GET YOUR WORK DONE YOU MORON!
I did not finish yet, i just have to get off the computer for dinner. let me know what you think of it so far!
Mod: Rating changed to R
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayyy well this one is definitely a rather random piece here. I do find myself a little lost as to what exactly you're trying to accomplish here. You will have to excuse me a bit because I'm not really familiar with this particular fandom so maybe I'm missing a point somewhere in here that isn't obvious but viewing this purely as a story on its own merit it seems to be doing almost nothing.
Sure, I will say we get a decent sort of sense of the characters. Its not a lot to go on but there's enough for us to know what sort of relationship might exist between the two and exactly how the dynamics of said relationship operate normally so that's something to consider but beyond just what we're seeing there it doesn't seem to offer all that much in terms of plot.
The one saving grace that I do see is that we can say that this one character appears to be in a rather stressful situation and trying to finish some sort of impossibly long task. The yelling in all caps is a bit odd, it just never quite brings the point across when all a character does is yell in all caps but we get enough off of this to deduce a few things and become a little curious if we'll be able to know more.
So overall there's certainly no shortage of potential here in terms of what it could be even if the current state of it does leave it with quite some improving to do, but since this is unfinished I suppose that's unavoidable.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I don't know about this, the title pretty much sums up the fact that it's no going to be a serious story at all. I suggest that you at least finish the story before posting it. I might change my mind if there's a developed story, but so far it's pretty much a combination of sexual humor and slapstick, and i agree with Flower~Child in that Light wouldn't get angry like that but more likely make some sarcastic or dry remark :S
I don't think light would loose his temper like that. It just isn't him.