Published June 4, 2011
Discomfort.
Something underestimated.
It's one million problems,
simplified into one word.
One day, you're alive.
You inhale your first breath of air.
Somewhere in your subconscious,
the symptoms are already developing.
Confusion. Fear. Anxiety.
It's an infection
that can only get worse.
But we ignore the fact that it's there.
nobody realizes what they'll do to feel comfortable.
You were born into a mystery.
You are surrounded by faces,
living beings that breath and think and feel,
just like you.
But you don't actually know them.
They are all closed books,
And it makes you nervous. Itchy.
Uncomfortable.
We try to make sense
of our lack of knowledge.
We want to be reasonable.
We want to be cautious.
And so we judge.
The skin people wear,
the Faith that they stand for,
the land that they come from,
it's all an easy way to judge them.
You group these connections, put them in boxes.
You examine them, as if you really even know,
as if you're some type of god.
We like to believe,
that the color of someones skin
can determine their intelligence.
Or that the clothes that they wear
can determine their self worth.
You feel misunderstood,
yet fail to understand others,
fail to see them as individuals,
rather than another stereotype to box up.
An act of discrimination.
Because of discomfort,
we look for control.
We will do anything
to feel comfortable
With the world that we live in.
We will start a genocide
and kill eleven million people.
We will bomb a country
with innocent woman and children.
We will neglect the blessings
that we've been given,
wipe ourselves off the Earth,
take everybody down with us.
Although we are all equal,
we are all free,
we are all simply alive,
discomfort never goes to sleep.
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140,218 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
you have some potential to write keep getting at it.....i know you can improve
good job
Ok well I like you poem but that's about all I can say. Nothing really stood out to me. It was good dont get me wrong but it didn't give me any goosebumps. It didn't excite me, I feel it is missing something but I don't quite know what. You said you didn't have format but it's really not needed. I mean I almost never write with a nice format. I think it looks good on this poem and it does flow nicely.
I think the length in this is a bit to long. You can hold the readers attention at first but the interest dies away. You don't bring up anything interesting or exciting to look at. There are no images you are just telling us what is happening. That may be what you missing. I mean if you were to turn some of the gloomy things in this to pictures we would get a real idea of what your talking about. You know what I mean?
Other than that I think this is a good poem that could use a little bit of help. Try to find something to grab attention!
-Flow-
The break should be before the line 'And so we judge.', not after it.
You should put a break after this line.
You should put a break after this line, too.
Put a break above this line.
Wow. Contrary to your spoiler above it actually has ok flow and your emotion is quite wonderful in it.
I pointed out all the little mistakes and added some things in all the quotes above.
So, this is all very good but it seems like in the middle stanzas you get off topic and talk a lot about discrimination. Try to make sure it all relates to discomfort.
Otherwise, great piece
Keep writing,
Alzora
You had a very solid idea, and you put your message out there, but I feel you focused too much on the idea, and not enough on the rhythm or the flow of the poem, you didn't put enough effort into how you built the poem. You had a solid foundation, but after that the walls were rickety and the roof kinda fell off. Not a bad effort though, Keep Writing!
I sense this is a truth that exists in all. Just as you stated in this very well structured piece, we all suffer from confusion. Paranoia. Discomfort. We as humans, can only wish and strive for perfect logic and the ability to see and understand all things. But why? Beneath all actions, despite the simplicity of most, we do all we do for the sake of comfort. How we react. How we eat, sleep, breathe.. How we judge. Struggle and what for. All for comfort. All for our own peace, rather then others. I think this poem is a form of exposure to a secret we all carry, but so many would refuse to admit to. A magnifying glass, on the base of all human nature. Very well done, I hope this gets front paged.