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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
I live the way you've written this!
It's got a great flow to it, and there's obviastly been alot of hard work put into this.
I like the punctuation, as many people leave this out in a poem.
But you'v done it, and you've made me happy!
I don't think I have any neagtatives!
Maybe make it longer, because I would love to read more.
Sorry if this has been a bad review, I haven't got the hang of it yet!
Well Done, and Keep Writing!
~ TazmaniaGirl xx
This was a really good piece of writing! I absolutely LOVED your use of descriptions and similes of sorts in this!
Now...stanza by stanza, I will review this.
"My name is nobody,
a simple, lonely concept.
Something that feels like surrendering
to a sudden wind,
looks like flesh,
morphing into beads of red sand."
Like I said, very good use of imagery in this stanza. Also, I like that FEEL it gives you, that sad, impossible sort of feeling. Pretty contradictorial, right? This stanza is really good.
"It's delusion after countless delusion,
vacant eyes in a crowd.
Trackmarks that abandon promises.
It's neutral,
It's nobody."
The final... Again, amazing use of imagery. But couldn't that second line have looked a little better like this?
vacant eyes in a crowd...
But otherwise, nice ending to a short and sweet poem.
Also, keep in mind the length. Lots of readers lose interest when a poem is too short!