Published November 25, 2011
Billy Enslin has been picked on in high school, Billy Enslin used to date Carla Laughs. Billy
Enslin was a nerd whom everyone hated and this included girls who gave him dirty joke such
as "you're a idiot and I don't like you". Or worst they would pull him around saying I hope you
Lose your ugly glasses. Billy wore glasses, a green vest, and he was bald.
Not totally bald, but bald. Billy rushed into the bathroom with tears. He was crying people were picking on him. billy decided to commit suicide.
Billy came home from school with a wedgie, which Michael, and Chris gave him.
Billy got the rope from the closet and hung it up on the ceiling fan, and finally he hung himself. When his mother came in she burst into tears.
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139,409 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
Hello
A very impressive piece. Certainly had me hooked. You use the fact that the main character is being bullied to create sympathy and as a result us the readers feel sorry for him creating a connection. I cant wait to see more on this story. I cant find a lot of fault as much of the errors have been highlighted. Keep writing, I look forward to seeing more!
Ben
Yeah you obviously need to look this over because what really angers a lot of readers is when they read a novel with poor grammar. I will fix everything thought.
All of the improvements are in red by the way.
Yeah, this has a lot of work and it doesn't really grasp the reader's attention. I would look this over and try to make it look more eerie or scary. Good luck and keep writing.
Ok, the grammar is a little off at parts and you need to diversify your sentence structure but on the whole, it was a great story. Very engaging. Also, short and simple. Dude, it is pretty scary and since it's so short sounds like you wrote it in a hurry, are you ok? Don't suicide yea, there's still more chapters that people wanna read.
I wanna read Chapter two