Published January 22, 2011
Autumn Leaves
Aching branches let their leaves fall
On cold and empty ground.
Thus orange-tinted leaves of all
Enmesh their tears around.
Days of shedding tears will start,
and for days it will remain
The tears will call the winter's heart
To visit once again.
Caught in fallen leaves of trees,
those tears like morning dew
may now to heavens be released
To earn the winter's blue.
Given time to dry their eyes,
those angels from the sky
will now reward their sacrifice
while falling snow drops by.
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140,581 Literary Works • 673,530 Reviews
Hi there.
I think this needs a little bit of work.
Firstly, I felt the metaphor got old very quickly. I don't think you needed it all the way through this. For some poems it works but for this one it does not.
Secondly, It lacks a lot of punctuation, which can make it feel ruched.
So keep working on it.
..Thanks,really..I greatly appreciate everything..
..I first haven't notice the punctuations..sorry!..anyway, I've edited it..I hope it will sounds better..
.. love this site!!..
Ummmm, that whole 'i love you very much' was not obvious at all, took me awhile to find it haha.
well done! I look forward to reading more of your work in the future 
Anyway, back to the poem. I really loved it. It flows so nicely, really lovely. The rhyming seems effortless (and thats pretty hard to do) and if i had read this without the title i would still clearly know what it was about which is obviously an important factor haha.
I agree with previous posts though, there is a alight lack of punctuation in places but other than that nothing
How is a backwards 3rd letter obvious? Lol. I was searching for a minute straight, and I thought you were just pulling our tails. Then I saw I LOVE YOU in the comments, and was like "ooohh". Anways, good poem. I liked your ABAB format. It seems underused these days...
-WU
Hello! I'm Jojo and I shall be your reviewer for today!
Overall: I like this poem, it just lacks a lot of punctuation.
It flows nicely, and the rhyme scheme is simple beautiful
Kudos to you.
Just remember to capitalize when necessary, use commas, and add punctuation at the end of a sentence.
Keep writing!
--------------------------------
-Jojo
..Well, I don't think it is..I don't know, but, is the message a bit not connected with my poem?..
hahaha
of course it's obvious....
autumn....
haha...
..Is it that obvious?..haha..
Aching branches let leaves fall
On cold and empty ground
Thus orange-tinted leaves of all
Enmesh their tears around
Days of shedding tears will start
For days it will remain
The tears will call the winter's heart
To visit once again
Caught in fallen leaves of trees
Those tears like morning dew
May now to heavens be released
To earn the winter's blue
Given time to dry their eyes
Those angels from the sky
Will now reward their sacrifice
While falling snow drops by
i know its secret.....
read every 3rd letter of every line backwards.......
it says "i love you very much"
sweet princess.....
Very well written - in a way it gives me one of those "good things fall apart so that better can fall together" sort of feeling. Even if I didn't understand it the way you meant it to be understood, the overall message that I took from this is great. You did an awesome job.
I hope to be reading more for you soon, and keep it up!
If I may make a couple suggestions, now:
One thing I noticed right off the bat is your repetition of "tears." I understand that you're trying to convey some sort of sadness in the shedding of the leaves, but perhaps choose a different word to represent it other than tears over and over again? Also, adding some punctuation to your piece will help with the overall flow. You keep a steady rhythm throughout the piece, as Life pointed out, but lack of punctuation leaves the poem a bit bare bones.
Other than that, again, you did an awesome job with this. Autumn and winter are definitely my two favorite seasons, so I'm a sucker for poetry that's centered around the two
..Thanks..I do appreciate everything..
..Anyway,to all who've and who'll read this...
..This poem is cryptically made..
..so have fun finding my message..
It was a good poem. Really loved your word selection and flow....
I was pretty and short...
And you don't need to capitalize the first word of every line.... Only do it when its necessary like when starting a new line... And when you are continuing the same line then no need to write it in capitals...
I loved it... ^_^
Keep up the great work..
PM me for anything...
Heya!
The flow is great, a consistent 7-6-8-6, which gives it a good structure, and the rhyme scheme worked.
Nice job here.
Your word choice was good and varied, and I got vivid images in my head; it brought feelings of sadness, but it made you smile at the same time.
Overall, loved it. ^^ Keep writing!
Your's truly,
|Life|
P.S. Welcome to YWS!