Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review courtesy of the revmo checklist challenge...disclaimer, I don't usually review poems, so this might not be very good, but I will try and tell you what I think this means...and what I felt like reading it.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Alright, so well, the literal appears to be someone that seems to be thinking of leaving someone or breaking up almost there towards the start because there's some kind of barrier between these two people...and then we go onto them potentially getting past that somehow and embracing while the world just straight up end behind them.

But of course, with this being an actual poem, that's almost certainly not what's its actually supposed to mean, so getting a bit deeper than what's literally spelled out here, I once again get that interesting duality. I can't shake the idea that the first couple of paragraphs is about a breakup, potentially something that's forced having to happen in the near future due to being seperated from each other for some reason or the other.

Now the fence, the fence is interesting, its seems to be so many things at once. It could be some kind of physical barrier that will eventually separate the two like an outside interference but at the same time I feel like its referring to the person in question being a bit untouchable for some reason and the person speaking feels somehow unworthy of the other or something like that but then of course they seem to go through with it. That's the passage that definitely made me think quite a bit.

Then we talk about what appears to be showcasing how well the two know each other, shows that they've been together for so long they know each other by memory and then of course somehow this barrier is breached and it seems like everything falls apart because something horrible happens and the relationship crashes or...potentially what I think is more likely is that the love engulfs them like fire...or something along those lines.

Well...yeah, that's about what I've gotten from this one. I love the continued use of fire, its a very consistent theme and it seems to really enforce how passionate this is. It was a pretty fun poem to read here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Hey! Forever here with a short review!!

This is my first review of prose poetry, so don't expect perfection. Let's get right into it.

This was a great prose-poem. It sounded pretty intriguing in my ears, after all, I read a prose-poem for the very first time.

You started with an "And". Was it there for some specific purpose? Er... I couldn't find that and it's kind of unusual to start a whole thing with a conjunction. So, maybe consider changing it a bit or maybe removing that. But wait a minute, is the purpose of that to connect the past to present? That can be a good conjunction then connecting past and present. I don't know but still I will go with my former opinion.

I agree with the earlier reviewers that the fire imagery is a bit overused. I do understand that you wanted the main theme of it be extremely related with the fire concept, but it feels overused.

Now coming to your poem, I quite like it. The tone of fear that played its part throughout the poem was quite suitable for the purpose. I haven't seen romantic poetry mixed with the feeling earlier. So it was something very new to me.

I really like the formatting of the poem. It was of great significance.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

Hey hiraeth - just a quick review with a few comments.

I absolutely love the anticipation in this poem, you've done such a great job communicating this intense mood - and I think you made really smart formatting choices with the italics and indents, that helped the poem feel even more frantic and back and forth like the narrator's decisions.

I agree with Lavvie that I think the fire imagery is a bit overused, but I like the really unique aspects to the poem too - like in the first "stanza" where there's so much back and forth of love / and saying good bye at the same time, expressed altogether in a rush.

And then the physical descriptions starting with "It's okay, love; look at me" make the poem feel incredibly personal, and intimate too. Great concrete imagery without spelling everything out you've created a whole conflict, plot, and voice in a little piece. I hope you try out some more prose poems!

all the best,

alliyah

Hello hiraeth! Happy Review Day!

Since you posted this for my Camp NaPo contest and I really liked it, I feel that I owe you a review.

First, I want to say that I love how you approached the structure of this piece. It's interesting because it's not like other prose poems that I've read (not a remark on the traditional structure), and I feel like in a way this is a hybrid of your traditional verse and then a prose piece. The lines read like stanzas on their own and help organize things for your audience. I can also appreciate your effective use of punctuation here, which you've obviously used to establish metre. Prose poetry can pose a prosodic challenge, but you've managed to overcome that. Well done!

The one issue that I have with this piece is that the imagery seems a bit cliche. Poetry is rife with cliches and it can be hard to stay away from those. Fire is typically one of the most difficult because it conjures connotations of burning passion, etc. I would encourage you to think outside of the box and maybe try to visualize this fiery love in another way. Don't necessarily get rid of the fire imagery, but how can you characterize more uniquely?

The best part of the poem is the last half, starting at "It's okay, love; look at me." The metre is astonishing and I get that fervour the speaker is trying to convey. With a few tweaks here and there, I think you could work that in better from the very beginning. There is an element of desperation in this poem that I think needs to flow better throughout. It's there - just needs to be tapped into a bit more.

Ultimately, I really enjoyed this. Structure-wise, it's fascinating and I'm a huge sucker for romantic poetry. This was well-written, with a few cliches to be mindful of. Regardless, you should be proud of this piece and I really hope you revise it accordingly because it would shine even more!

Thanks for a brilliant read and phenomenal contribution to the contest.

All the best,
Lavvie

Hey this is Gem hopping out of her Jewelrybox for another quick review.

So though this is a review, I have to be completely honest. There are no flaws obvious to me, if you plan on submitting this to a prose poetry contest do it. I love the format of this peice it is structured nicely and refreshing to look at. There are no spelling errors I see and anything else is ultimately up to preference. You descriptions and imagery are simply captivating. The reader sees the picture, but whats more is that there is also creative freedom, each reader may see their own picture with the things you described in common. I love the flames vs snow like suggesting that these two are like fire and ice and how the theme is they want eachother but cant stay together. Fire melts ice, the ice doesnt want to be burned but the mutual attraction suggested is too strong. It is very romantic.

Keep up the good work!
Keep writing!

This is Gem climbing back into her Jewelrybox until next time!

See ya.

Hi, new user here and this is my first review so please bear with me. Wow, I just want to start off by saying that I love this poem! This is something that I feel like I can definitely relate to on a personal level. I really like how you contrast the snow on the other person's hair and lips with their fingers being like fire - I feel like you could somehow (if you wanted to) create even more contrast by describing that terrifying feeling as something that is "freezing", if that makes sense. I also love how you used the words "bump" and "valley" when you're describing how you know that other person, much like maps (which I'm assuming you were aiming for whenever you wrote "I've got you mapped"). The way that you write about how the other person is coming closer and closer, close enough to crash, really reminds me of how Icarus flew into the sun, and it makes me think about how this person probably knew what was about to happen to them but got closer to you anyway - they seem to be intoxicated by your presence, and vice versa.

Overall, this is amazing writing, and I can't seem to come up with any more suggestions as to how you could improve. Please keep writing, I can't wait to see more stuff from you!

I think the writing it beautiful and well characterized. However, I do think you should look into different writing format. It would make your writing more figurative if you edited the sentence "Your fingers are fire in mine" with more of a simile and said "Your fingers are like fire in mine. Another small edit you could make with the sentence "This feeling feels real and terrifying; let's take a step back because someday I'll have to say goodbye and I'm so terrified." You could try and instead of using the same word repeatedly for example Terrified/ terrifying you could try bigger variety of vocabulary words; Replace the word Terrified with 'Petrified, Spooked, frightened.'

I am not professional writer and my advice may not be it's best at 100% but I hoped it helped you.
😊