Published March 18, 2010
The big black wet nose
huge bright green eyes.
Light brown ears with the spot between.
So warm and fluffy
snuggling up to my neck.
Loving to be held.
Falling asleep in my arms.
The dreams,
they must be wonderful dreams.
Relaxing calming soothing dreams.
I wonder if I'm in the dreams.
Cuddling closely to him I can hear his breathing
so short, yet so even as it hits my neck.
Slowly as he drifts farther into his sleep,
I feel his cold nose touch the bottom of my ear.
He feels just like a child of my own.
Wrapped up in a securing blanket sleeping.
Sleeping calming and looking so innocent.
Like not a care in the world.
So loving that he will never leave me.
Looking up to me as mom, even tho I'm still a kid myself.
But the love for a mother never leaves.
As I hope he will never leave me.
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140,783 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
Hi Hidden!
Very sweet, you must love your dog a lot! My favourite line is...
"I hope he will never leave me"
Its obvious here how much you care for your dog.
All in all a very good poem.
I love this.
This is a perfect example of 'show not tell.' You showed it to me. Instead of telling me you love this creature (a dog, is it?) you show me. You tell me all the little things that you love, and with pets, the little things make all the difference.
I just wanted to let you know that you had me right here:
When my dog is whining in her sleep, and crying in her sleep, all I can think is 'I hope she's not whining over something that happened to me.' This is just such a realistic poem.
Negative things (I hate to point them out):
(Big quote, sorry about that)
So a few things in these lines bugged me.
1) You say 'so loving that he will leave me' and then 'as I hope he will never leave me.' Did I miss something? Where was the transition from that to this? In between you have no words that express a change of heart or thought, so why the sudden change of certainty? You need to explain this.
2) 'But the love for a mother never leaves.' That confused me. Does it mean, the child's love for her/his mother never leaves, or the love a mother has for her child never leaves? I can't figure out which.
3) You say 'tho.' It should be 'though.' Type out full words!
As I said before, I loved this. Very warm, very calming, very realistic.
Questions? Comments? Send me a friendly PM.
Classy