Published February 15, 2010
I'd like to say in advance that I thank Bloc Party (the song "Signs" in particular) for giving me inspiration. . enjoy ![]()
Your tongue,
is a like a new born cherry.
It sprouts
and bursts around mine.
Your skin,
my pale December.
Your body,
intertwines with mine
under the moons cycloptic eye.
Your voice,
is like a firecracker
that booms in the night.
Your eyes,
unbelievable.
Your love,
stretches farther than forever.
Oh,
my pale December.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
hey i'm kelly and i will totally be reviewing this pretty epic poem.
okay, so to start: I like this poem. "is a like a new born cherry..." i think the first "a" is a grammar mistake. The part about "your voice..." is very nice and descriptive. However, the next stanza is a little short, and it throws off the beat/rhythm of the poem.
From the sound of the other review, i guess that "pale December" is something interesting, but i don't get it. I think it's a boy, but.. maybe its really a month, that... someone... likes...?
I listened to that song, and a big thank you for putting it on here. I don't enjoy when people don't tell me what the song is. Sometimes hearing the inspiration while you read the piece it inspired, it makes it better, and it really does. The biggest problem I found in this piece was that it was short. I'd love to see it a little longer, because right now it feels kinda short and unfinished. Even a full extra stanza to describe each part of December could add so much meaning to it, even though it has plenty already.
Keep it up, and have a lucky day!