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E - Everyone

TTA-0

by herbalhour


Long ago, there were a group of beings who lived on a higher plane. The plane was called Origin, a lush radiant civilization which resided on the clouds. Gold trimmed buildings with paths of feathers. Language, commerce, theater, they had it all. Yet, they felt unfufilled. One day, these beings found a tear in the cloud cover. It revealed another land, covered in water, greenery, and stone. Gradually, some of these people left for the second land. It was named Surface. As Surface started to grow, its language shifted from that of Origin. Making new words, dropping some, and creating dialects.

Unlike in Origin, none of them were unsatisfied with Surface. However, another rift was found, in Surface. It lead to a dark, unfamiliar area. Nobody was brave enough to go into it. Except for a group of adventurers, ever the curious. They were lead by a venturer, now known as The First. Unbeknownst to the venturers, the rift had closed. Luckily, they brought resources, and used their abilities to create a settlement. The people on Surface titled the area Abyss.

Years had past, the records of The First were documented forever. Then another rift to the Abyss opened. A new group of people went down, this time they were poets. Their leader was documented as The Second, yet their fate was the same. This happened three more times. Time and time again, foolish people went down into the Abyss. Bards, Nomads, Prisoners. After the five leaders went down, the stories of the Abyss were truly stories. Rumors of language forming down there lingered, yet everyone knew it was false.

Until now. Centuries later, a new rift has opened. A mere historian, forced to wander aimlessly through the Abyss. Those who have tread before me have been lost, and it is my job not only to find them, but also to uncover the secrets and language of the Abyss Venturers. Fate has damned me, eternally, treading through Abyss.


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Sat Feb 17, 2024 7:54 am
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a neat little prologue here. It almost has a bit of a blurb like vibe to it as well, which in this case I think helps it out in making it just that little bit more catchy so I think this is wonderfully done.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Long ago, there were a group of beings who lived on a higher plane. The plane was called Origin, a lush radiant civilization which resided on the clouds. Gold trimmed buildings with paths of feathers. Language, commerce, theater, they had it all. Yet, they felt unfufilled. One day, these beings found a tear in the cloud cover. It revealed another land, covered in water, greenery, and stone. Gradually, some of these people left for the second land. It was named Surface. As Surface started to grow, its language shifted from that of Origin. Making new words, dropping some, and creating dialects.


Hmm well this is quite an interesting place to kick off a prologue here. A bit of an origin story of sorts for this universe quite literally so. So far its a neat little description there to kick us off. It seems simple enough at the moment even though we are seeing the barebones of something pretty detailed forming. Let's see where this goes.

Unlike in Origin, none of them were unsatisfied with Surface. However, another rift was found, in Surface. It lead to a dark, unfamiliar area. Nobody was brave enough to go into it. Except for a group of adventurers, ever the curious. They were lead by a venturer, now known as The First. Unbeknownst to the venturers, the rift had closed. Luckily, they brought resources, and used their abilities to create a settlement. The people on Surface titled the area Abyss.


Oooh loving this little flow here. It definitely feels very natural, well as far as time passing on huge scales like this can sound all natural. It definitely sounds like something that could happen and its definitely already quite intriguing where this settlement may be headed.

Years had past, the records of The First were documented forever. Then another rift to the Abyss opened. A new group of people went down, this time they were poets. Their leader was documented as The Second, yet their fate was the same. This happened three more times. Time and time again, foolish people went down into the Abyss. Bards, Nomads, Prisoners. After the five leaders went down, the stories of the Abyss were truly stories. Rumors of language forming down there lingered, yet everyone knew it was false.


Ooooh well things certainly got spicy there real fast. I love the direction that went in. Its a lovely way to build up quite a mysterious history here to have just so many people from so many fields in life all disappear in the same place. Definitely ends up creating quite the powerful story around this place and just sets it up nicely to be quite a big mystery.

Until now. Centuries later, a new rift has opened. A mere historian, forced to wander aimlessly through the Abyss. Those who have tread before me have been lost, and it is my job not only to find them, but also to uncover the secrets and language of the Abyss Venturers. Fate has damned me, eternally, treading through Abyss.


Oooooh that's quite a lovely note to end on I think. Building us up right to the present and establishing exactly what the stakes are going to be for this story. Its a lovely place to end off here and I think it caps of this here prologue really nicely. Definitely makes you want to read the story and find out what happens next.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think its a very solid prologue. There's some quite exciting worldbuilding at work here and I would love to know more. The plot that its hinting at in that last paragraph is also quite intriguing. I think this definitely ends up doing a pretty good job as a prologue here. I definitely find myself wanting to read more.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




herbalhour says...


thank u kate!! this was published around 3m my time btw



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Mon Feb 12, 2024 10:09 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hello! And Happy Social Month! I hope you're having a good day or night.

I loved the worldbuilding exhibited here. There's a lot of really cool idea's that I'm super excited to see explored further in future chapters. The order of "Venturers, Bards, Nomads, Prisoners," and now a historian feels super interesting to me. Though all of the beings were dissatisfied with their existence on the higher plane, these were the ones who were brave enough to venture past it. And yet, these are also the people labeled as "foolish."

I also really liked the way you described the higher plane.

a lush radiant civilization which resided on the clouds. Gold trimmed buildings with paths of feathers.


Though it's also a brief description, this aside lends a lot more depth and interest to this prologue. I might've liked to see a little more of it, to further add to the juxtaposition between the three planes.

Overall, I really enjoyed your opening paragraph. It got me really hooked on your worldbuilding; however, I do feel like the line "long ago" is a bit cliche.

Long ago, there were a group of beings who lived on a higher plane. The plane was called Origin,


This is also a really minor nitpick, but describing Origin as a "higher plane" didn't make sense to me, because if this story is from the perspective of these people, then wouldn't it just be the base level?

In regard to grammar, you use the number "3" instead of the word "three." generally speaking, it's the norm in literature to spell it out instead of using the numerical.

All in all, I really like this start! You provide a lot of interesting tidbits about the world, and though we haven't yet learned much about this historian fellow, they start off immediately with a strong central motivation. I'm excited to read more about their adventures into the Abyss, and to find out what happened to the people who have ventured there!

With that said, keep on writing, and have a great remainder to your day! :D




herbalhour says...


woah thanks !!




There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
— William Shakespeare