Corruption
When we think of some political tension,
At first, the cause which comes in our mind is Corruption
Indeed, this epidemical curse is spreading in the political arena,
Huh! They tried a lot to remove it, but lost their stamina.
They take millions from the government to help the poor,
But swallow it all themselves…
And who’s going to take care of the posted letter,
If the postman himself, is one of the corruption’s slaves!!!
Many have tried to throw out Corruption,
But, my god! It’s so powerful
That whoever volunteered,
Was also dragged in this vicious circle.
But who cares…the politician?
Never friends, He only is the inventor…
Of this game, which he plays,
With the most ill-fated poor.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,840 Reviews
hi.
i wasn't a fan of this. you didn't bring anything new to corruption, and, well, it came off as silly. you talk about corruption and you use big words like epidemical, yet it has no effect on the reader. wow, you can trash corruption. the words try to be so big and complex, it makes no sense. we can't fight off corruption. i just, couldn't get into this. if i could suggest something, it's not to take the typical stance against corruption. be for corruption? be witty? something like that would work.
thanks.
I love this poem, it has a very powerful message. Just a few comments, the punctuation needs to be edited to help the flow of the poem and some grammar should be reviewed. Other than that it was very thought provoking and beautiful.
The poem itself is very nice. It could use some improving though:
For instance:
"If the postman himself, is one of the corruption's slaves!!!"
You could have reworded it to say,
"If the postman is a slave of corruption himself!"
You also have some tiny grammatical mistakes, but that is fine!
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The poem itself is very good, and it talks about a serious matter. It retains the serious tone allowing the reader to get submersed into the poem. Good Job!
I rate it:
7/10
Hey!
I need to say this-"I AM IMPRESSED!!"
you have chosen such an important theme. Everyone knows about corruption, reads about it and often experiences it, but the pity is no one has the gut to speak against it. And it's so wonderful on your part to have addressed such a social evil in such a creative manner.
Impressive areas of your work-
1)The theme.
2) Rhyme scheme in the 1st stanza.
3)Short and smart and sufficiently detailed.
4) The ending. I loved it!
Some suggestions-
1) The punctuation, the periods need to be used in proper places to make the flow smoother.
That's it! I simply appreciate your poetry.
Keep writing..
LOLs(lots of love) ;p
Hey!
I need to say this-"I AM IMPRESSED!!"
you have chosen such an important theme. Everyone knows about corruption, reads about it and often experiences it, but the pity is no one has the gut to speak against it. And it's so wonderful on your part to have addressed such a social evil in such a creative manner.
Impressive areas of your work-
1)The theme.
2) Rhyme scheme in the 1st stanza.
3)Short and smart and sufficiently detailed.
4) The ending. I loved it!
Some suggestions-
1) The punctuation, the periods need to be used in proper places to make the flow smoother.
That's it! I simply appreciate your poetry.
Keep writing..
LOLs(lots of love) ;p