Published February 5, 2009
So, this is the preface for my new novel. It's the only thing I've got so far 
But I feel today might change that 
Hope you like it! Enjoy!
Liz 
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He is so weird.
I can’t believe how weird he is. Totally random. Changes topics like that!
But still, everything he says is so fascinating. He knows so much.
Wisdom comes with age, you might say. Yeah. I’d believe that.
Then again he’s not that old.
I never thought I would say this, but being thirty is not old. Well, he doesn’t look like a thirty year old anyway. Twenty-seven something? Maybe… But he does not look like a man in his thirties. Trust me. And besides, older men are hot!
He reminds me of myself in many ways. Always so cheerful. Always grinning – well, to me anyway. There is just no effort in our relationship. It’s easy. This makes it easy for me to believe in meant-to-be.
When he sees me his cheeks turn as red as his gorgeous wavy hair.
I’ve never thought redheads attractive before. Well, at least I’ve never seen an attractive redhead before. Not before now.
He is something quite out of the ordinary. Nothing like I have ever met before.
He’s got total baby-fever. Talks about kids and babies all the time. Which suits me fine. I’m a baby-nut myself. I’ve always wanted to live like the Camdens. Seven children? No problem. If they could do it, so would I.
I’d have kids right now. If he’d just let me. I don’t know how my parents would react though. Pregnant at nineteen. Not a popular decision. But then again, who cares. I’m ready for it.
There seemed to be just one problem though.
His wife!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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That was very good, if I read that on a blurb I would buy the book right away. Keep at it.
Your last line really caught me by surprise! As for a preface I think you have certainly provided enough "bait" although I felt that it would strongly attract female readers over male ones due to the "side" you've chosen to represent in writing. However if the story's setting was right, it's potential would surely rise. For example: basing a story in a populated area like Paris, or even Tokyo, might have an edge compared to smaller districts although based on this "preview" it seems as if you are trying a unique edge in a field, that despite having precedents, has room for personality in romanitc fiction.
That may seem like a lot to chew, but I hope I've somewhat helped in terms of providing ideas, although I really did like this preface and found the writing style interesting enough to keep me reading to the end, and enjoy the content at the same time.
Warm Regards,
-Elitehusky
Thanks June. I will write more on this. I have played with the idea in my head while I've been writing on Mrs Jones.(take a look:P) So it feels good to have it penned down. I've never really written in 1st persona before, which i really find comforteble and nice. So im definately gonna keep that in this.
Well, of course it's supposed to be written like that. I thought something seemes odd. haha, thank you for pointing it out. Sometimes you get blinded. Thanks again. And with the encouragement i've gotten on this i definately will continue to write.
PS: I really like your avatar<3 he's so sweet!
Hi there Heffa! Welcome to the wonderful lands of YWS! I'm June and I'm going to run over this for you quickly
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This is quite an interesting prologue. It's giving us a sense of what the story is about, introducing the main character without telling us about her. We can totally see where she's coming from with this.
I like how it's written in conversational thoughts. You're giving it to us in her viewpoint exactly so we can understand how she's feeling.
I only have one nitpick for this:
• 1- Twenty seven is a number, so it should be hyphenated
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It's very well written; I like how you voiced all of her views and desires before presenting the obstacle. I have a feeling this will turn out to be quite an interesting story.
I hope you do write more on this! I'd be more than happy to review it for you.
Good job, dear!
June
Thanks to you too.
I've got a story to tell, see, and I can't do it alone.
I need everyone I can, to take on every project I can.
So, I'm saying I want to make a guild: MY Thousand. It's not one small band, it'll be this whole site.
Lion Sister, let's start it out.
Thanx. *really happy now*
It just keeps getting better I see.
That, friend, was a perfect prologue. Keep up the good work.