Hi haunted groom,
Mailice here with a short review! 
That was an interesting story you presented here. I like how the horror you present here is more between the lines than in the actual text. It sets it apart a bit from the other texts, which I like. What I also like is the insertion, of a classic horror scenario; someone is alone and only then does all the fun begin.
I liked how a lot of it just played out from Thomas' side and you didn't need any prior knowledge to get to that point in the story. I also liked your approach of replacing the title with the French word for black to give some incentive to explore the story. (Which I was actually thinking more of Film Noire. )
A couple of points I noticed while reading are firstly about your sentence structure, which gets a bit out of hand due to the length you create. I would try reading through the text again to get the structure and length down better, as it reads a little bumpy from time to time. Also, I would recommend that you put the dialogues on a new line each time to get a better overview while reading. Sometimes you didn't pay attention to the capitalization. Another thing I would recommend you do is work a little on replacing the protagonist's name with a pronoun. Especially here in this case, it's just one person, named Thomas, so there may be a "he" more often than his actual name.
Other points I noticed while reading:
It was late on a saturday night, no stars in sight, the cold chill was cruel.
First, Saturday needs to be capitalized here, and second, it would be better if you split the sentence into two. This way you jump from one point to the next without giving the reader the pause he needs to realize at the beginning where and when the action takes place.
He closes his trunk and goes to start up his car again, as he turns the key, a piercing loud screech comes from the engine, it sounded like a dying animal; As Thomas heard the noise he gets out quickly and opens the hood and sees nothing.
Your paragraph has only two sentences; this one and one of nine words. Here is a perfect example of the structure you create; you expect the length of the sentences to increase the tension because time "stands still" in a sentence, so to speak. But it doesn't. You can create tension better if you make the sentences shorter. Think of it like the breaths you take when you're scared or nervous; these are also shorter and shallower than the normal ones you take when you're sitting down.
Thomas gets out of the car, "here kitty, kitty" Thomas says as he walks to the back the cat is gone. "What the fuck?" Thomas says, he looks on his trunk and there's four bloody paw prints on it, Thomas' flashlight suddenly turns off, "What the hell?" Thomas says, he turns the flashlight on but the white light was shining red like blood, Thomas drops the flashlight and gets back in his car and starts it up, this time the car starts up, he starts driving down the road, Thomas calls the police one more time and they pick up, "Hello? Sarasota County sheriff's office, how can I assist you today" the police operator says, Thomas replies with " I need help, I don't know what's going on, so much is happening ", He says rapidly; "calm down, and explain your situation" the operator replies.
This section is more or less your climax, but due to the structure and construction, it is unfortunately not there. Here you need to work on, first, making the dialogues one line, and keeping the sentences shorter.
In summary, it was an exciting story that definitely still has some construction sites that need to be worked on.
Have fun writing!
Mailice
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Reviews: 1232
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