A Field of Lavender in Provence.
The first thing I felt was the wave of heat, beating down on me and licking my shoulders with a fiery coating. The straw sunhat did little to protect me, and so I let the sun seep through, warming my scalp. The strap of my cotton shoulder bag dug into me and left a mark, crossing the strap of my vest top like a train track. We walked for about a hundred feet before our shins and calves grazed against the rough stems of lavender. The heat swept through the field and raised the pungency of the lavender air until we were both encased in an ethereal dizzy aroma. It was your idea to take a break and just to hike without a destination.
As we walked, and let the lavender caress us both, we spoke briefly.
‘We should do this again.’ You said absent-mindedly.
‘We should.’ I said.
We should. My own voice echoed and reverberated against the back of my skull, as the silence between us grew louder. After a while, it seemed like an illusion I had even said it at all.
‘We should.’ I said again.
This time, it felt more real. Your lips curved upwards in a gentle smile in reply. But, it didn’t matter. No matter how sure I was that I had said those words, it didn’t make them any more sincere. It was always a false promise of times never to come.
Your hand accidently grazed against the flesh of my little finger as we walked and I instinctively drew away. You didn’t even notice but you should have. You should have realised right there and then that I knew my fate. That was it. It was the moment I knew I couldn’t wait forever. This was us, in Provence, falling out of love. And you hadn’t a clue.
I adjusted the strap on my bag and we carried on walking, with no particular destination. For a fleeting moment I wanted more than anything to tell you it was over. I wanted to tell you that I wasn’t enough to get you to change. Instead, I mulled over past words and memories in my head. I let them riddle me like a cancer, seeping through the mind I thought I knew. I realised love is like a life; when it’s about to end, you reflect.
A few months previous when I had lost my way, you had sighed and said ‘Let’s just forget the world.’
I don’t think we ever forgot the world. The world just forgot us. After all, we were not significant. Not after all that we had not said and all that we had not done.
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Wow.
Your use of description is great, and the way you write is simple but adds suspense and gives you a feel of this world, very very vivid. I couldn't really find any errors, typos or the ilk, so congratulations on either proofreading well or hiding your faults well. The idea is nice, and I love how you've labelled the character 'you' or in this case, me. It sets this story apart and is a nice change from the ordinary.
This is simply beautiful!
I love the concept of falling out of love in such a beautiful place. I really like your protagonist and the way she thinks.
Your imagery in the first paragraph is perfect. My favorite line is "The heat swept through the field and raised the pungency of the lavender air until we were both encased in an ethereal dizzy aroma"
I think it was important to set the story up like you did. Establishing the setting so vividly put the reader right there with the couple.
It was awesome. Well done.
'I don’t think we ever forgot the world. The world just forgot us.' - There are some great lines in this piece and this is just an example of one of them.
I thought the length of the piece was perfect.
In your work, I would recommend varying the starters of your sentences. You tend to use 'I' a lot and it becomes very repetitive in the last paragraph.
Apart from that, I enjoyed reading this.
XD
Good job. Well done.
Aw thank you! And I'll bear that in mind.
Hey Harrington, Subtle here for a review! I don't usually read short stories, but the title really reeled me in and I'm glad I did. Because this is a bittersweet and beautifully written piece! I love how realistic you've written about heartbreak here, is not dramatic but it blends in with the lavender field beautifully. Is very lovely, so let's get on with the rest of the review!
This is a wonderful metaphor, the imagery you have created here of the heat, the field here is stunning!
Great description!
I adore this line! Is literally the line of wisdom! How ingenious of you and true! This is indeed what love is like.
Wonderful piece, thank you sharing it with us!
-S.s
Thank you so much, it made me smile! <3
Hi there! Lucrezia here for a review.
This is superb. Really, there's so many nice words I could use to sum this up... beautiful, breathtaking, wonderful, blah blah blah. And none of them would be an exaggeration.
The concept is great. A short piece about falling out of love. It captures just one moment in time, and yet it feels like longer and more than that.
I only have one nitpick:
That Y in "you" doesn't need to be capitalized.
But that was the only thing I spotted, which in itself is quite an achievement. Some parts I liked:
This surprised me, so I read it a couple of times. I liked how simple you left it, like stating a well-known fact. Perfect.
Mmm. That's really beautiful, as well as poetic.
A great way to end this very powerful and thought-provoking piece.
Amazing job on this, and keep writing!
Oh, thank you so much! It really means a lot when someone says something like that. I never noticed the capitalisation so thank you again.
This is great work! I was instantly drawn in and intrigued by your writing style, and the way you involved the reader, literally, by using "you" and "us," rather than speaking of the other, would be lover, in a second or third person view. That was probably my favorite part.
I also love the imagery you create with your words. A lot of people just describe everything bluntly and fast, but you do a good job of making it fun and interesting, while still getting your point across.
"The strap of my cotton shoulder bag dug into me and left a mark, crossing the strap of my vest top like a train track."
Love that line!
And then, of course, the subject matter is also interesting. You're dealing with love, which pretty much everyone loves-imagine that-but you're bringing to view a side of it that not everyone always sees. I'm assuming that the other person, the "you" in the story, is male, but whatever their gender, I love that you use the symbolism of "falling out of love." True words for an untrue subject.
All around, I really enjoyed reading this.
Thank you harrington!
Thank you so much. It means a lot.
No, thank you. I really did enjoy reading it.