Published June 24, 2011
Puppet Strings
Bend and twist
As you try and break
My puppet strings
Tied to the fake happiness
You will not corrupt me
I will shut out the world
Leave me be
And let me rot
In my self torture
My agony tears me apart
But I smile on the outside
As if my world
Was just like yours
But no
It’s not
You wouldn’t survive the
Way I do
Day to day
With endless tears
Tearing inside
Breaking down
The crumbling walls and shame
It wasn’t my fault
My heart isn’t stone
It’s just torn
And needs to be patched
To the love
I desperately need
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139,345 Literary Works • 672,539 Reviews
Hey
First off, I just wanted to say, I am so glad you didn't use pinctuation! I don't use it in mine either, and got a lot of people telling me I should when that's one thing that really makes my poetry part of what it is, so it's just really nice to meet someone else the same way! This is such an excellent poem. I didn't really see any mistakes, so I just want to tell you that I love it! And keep writing! This is awesome!
Hey there. First off, I really like this piece. The idea behind the puppet strings is a great one. I agree with the person above me about switching the word "Tearing" with another word. The other thing I can suggest is maybe adding periods where sentences end. It becomes hard to read after a while so try reading it out loud, see where your voice naturally pauses and add some periods. Other than that great work! I loved this poem and I can't wait to read more.
-Hope
That's pretty intense. I'm not exactly sure what the inspiration for this was, nor do i understand it's true meaning, but the flow and diction were pretty... pretty. lol one thing though.
I find it's rather awkward in writing dealing with tear and tear(for obvious reasons) and i think this is a good example of why. Perhaps instead of "tearing", you good use a good synonym like ripping or something along those lines. Well, i hope this was helpful and I really enjoyed reading your piece.