Mirror

by halogirl4197

Published May 17, 2011

Mirror

Tell me your pain
Talk to the mirror
Move your lips
And watch it respond
Lift a hand
To your face
And touch the mask
Of a murderer
Fire glows
In your eyes
Pick up the knife
Once again
Lift it higher
A thrust awaiting
Kill me now. . .
Help me out
Do it now
Before you fall apart
I need your sorrow
I want the delicious pain
Blood is trapped
Within my sanity
Let it free
But no
Watch in the mirror
I gaze with tears
As you turn
The knife
To your chest
Leave it still
Cornered and trapped
And as I scream
Beg for the kill
You push it forward
And end your pain

Comments & reviews · 8
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Ignatius5453
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Ignatius5453 commented Comment · Jun 5, 2011

Great job, I couldn't have written something like this any better than you have, I don't think anybody could have. I sincerely liked it. Good Job! Never, ever stop writing!

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zone
Review
zone wrote a review Review · Jun 2, 2011

The way that you've laid it out gives it a kind of desperate urgency, which I thought was a very interesting effect and your imagery is pretty spectacular. I almost felt like the secne was taking place in the same room as me.I really enjoyed reading it.

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Justagirl
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Justagirl wrote a review Review · Jun 1, 2011

This is awesome.

You have such great imagery in here I can totally imagine being right there and watching everything you describe.
Plus you have really great emotion and flow.
I didn't see any grammatical problems other than that you need to use more periods and less commas. When writing a poem you don't need a comma at the end of every line. You can use a period, or have no punctuation at all (if there should be no punctuation). i.e.
(A comma) I loved my brother,
He gave me so many joys.
(A period) I can't believe he's gone.
(A space) I will keep him
In my memory forever.

Ok?
Otherwise, great poem. I really loved it.

Keep writing,
Alzora

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mellophone7
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mellophone7 commented Comment · Jun 1, 2011

Wow. This was extremely well written. I could feel everything you were trying to say. No mistakes, either. Great job!

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bluitch Comment
bluitch commented Comment · May 17, 2011

I really like the concept this poem has, and all the emotion behind it... I don't think you need to make any improvements! it's a great poem! I love it!

blondeshorty01 wrote a review Review · May 17, 2011

i honestly think, and don't freak, that you can capture what i want to do, or what i feel, in your poems, and that's an amazing complimint for any poet, or writer, as for the poem itself, why not try a rhyming one somethime, that can be the true test of skill for anyone! XD love yous!!!!

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PeaceAloha10 Comment
PeaceAloha10 commented Comment · May 17, 2011

wow. terrific. i luv how its like her innerself is the reflection, and its screaming to her to kill herself. wow that gave me goosebumps.



I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights