Published May 27, 2011
Fall Apart
To keep together
I do not cry
Tears are my glue
And I must stay dry
And I’m a doll
Ragged and old
Struggling through
My dark secrets untold
For my lips are sealed
Stitched with tears
For if a cut is made
My stuffing is sheared
And I fall apart
I do not trust my heart
I do not trust my soul
For I am a doll
Ragged and old
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142,223 Literary Works • 677,044 Reviews
My favorite part was this:
Now onto the nit picks:
Two "ands" there.... it's definitely not the best.
There wasn't really a flow, I'm not sure how to fix that, and also, your word choice isn't the best. I think you could really think about it, and find some more complex and detailed words to describe everything!
Maybe more time thinking about this poem would be better, and benefit it greatly.
This is good but the one thing that i did get stuck on while reading was the 'And' on the 5th line. It might read more smoothly if you take the 'And' out and just say 'I am a doll'. But it is very good still!
Awww! I like this poem!
It was really good. As far as I can tell, the people before me seemed to have gotten everything that I've noticed.
It's time for you to click the edit button and work on this.
As far as typos go, none. A+
As far as you rhymes go, they're soso. I know you can do better. C-
As far as your wording goes, it's very poor and little thought out. D
Overall, I liked it, but some of your sentances clashed, and like you said your rhyming is not all that great. I have a feeling that you can do better than this, so as soon as you finish reading this go click on the edit button and work on it some more! Overall, C+
I apologize if I seem harsh, but I consider it my job as a reviewer.
I thought that the ryhmning here was actually not that bad! You did manage to find good rhyming words
The other lines you had an ABCD pattern (rhyming B and D) but here I think you added in two extra lines. It throws off the poem.I did find that the flow wasn't perfect though in some parts. It wasn't that bad, but could be fixed up a little bit. I liked the images and metaphors you used in here. They were very nice and added a lot to the poem!
Two little ryhming problems I just found were:
Here again you have five lines instead of four. Perhaps I am reading this wrong, and if so I apologize (a)
Otherwise, you have to stick with your ABCD pattern. I also thought the the ending sounded kind of forced and the flow was a bit off. However, I really like how you ended it. It wrapped up the poem beautifully. If you fix the rhymning pattern and the wording a bit I think this poem could be really great! Keep up the awesome work
Hi there! I'm kinda excited to be the first to read and reply to this poem. I braced myself, of course, when you warned readers that you weren't very good with rhyming poems. But I thought this was actually quite nice! Don't underestimate yourself, my dear!
One thing I did want to point out is that your first 4 lines.... didn't quite make sense to me. I mean, the wording was nice, but here's where I was lost: If tears were the narrators glue, then how does she stay together if she doesn't cry? I don't know if I'm just being nitpicky, or if you intended to word it that way, but that's the one part where I was a little confused. Overall, though, I was highly pleased by this poem. Keep up the good work!!!