Published May 13, 2009
Dear, you should cover your arms,
your pain is showing.
The scars are exposed to all and the crowd is growing.
Darling, why must you cry?
They all warned that he didn't love you,
in your heart you knew it was all a lie.
Still, you stayed, a mere challenge in his cold hearted game
And there appeared another row of marks,
resembling the letters of his name.
Honey, everyone has seen it all,
they heard your silent pleas,
and watched your graceful fall.
Your sleeves are pushed up and the crimson scars show,
You musn't cover it now, love,
everybody knows.
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139,537 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
AWWWW HALES! God sweetie you almost made me cry! The whole thing is prue genius! Love ya sweetie
~Cara
My twin writes beautifully.
I love this poem.
Although:
I don't really like the flow here. It's kind of...broken.
As somebody else said, the last line interupted the flow of the poem, and I agree. The phrasing is a bit off.
But other than that it's amazing!
-Aly.
Hey.
I think your poem is absolutely beautiful!
I loved it. It really hit me. you know?
One thing though:
In this the last line seems a bit jumbled to me for some reason. It confused me honestly did you mean that she thought they were lying to her about him not loving her? Or that his love was a lie?
Other than that little confusion I loved it!
=)
[quote="hales13"]Dear, you should cover your arms, i don't understand these part it doesn't mach with rest
[b]Honey, everyone has seen it all, [b]not sure what to say
i like it's good keep on the good work
I really like this piece. It really struck a chord with me. I've recently gotten into cutting and my left arm in particular is really scarred and obviously the result of cutting. I can really relate to the transition between her having to hide them, and then there being no use. For a while, I would only wear long sleeves, so not to worry people or draw attention, but then in gym class and days when i wore short sleeves, everyone saw my arms. And now there's not much to hide. Because even without the scars showing, everyone knows they're there.
Sorry for sort of rambling there^^
I'm not sure if I can review this without being biased by the topic. I thought it was wonderful, however. A few rough spots in the flow here and there, but that didn't take much away from it.
Beautiful job. Keep writing!
-Jocelyn.
She basically saying ya know, everyone's seen em now,
no need to cover em.
&Thanks(:
I think this is really cool (despite the depressing subject...)
First two lines? Genius. Really. In the third line I think I'd omit "to all" to help the flow.
I like the use of darling, dear, etc. through the poem. It leaves me wondering whether the speaker means them condescendingly.
I think the third line here is a bit crowded and the rhyme seems forced.
The first line seems a bit too long. Second and third lines are perfect!
I am confused here. The first three stanzas are about the girl's mistake and how she should hide her scars. Suddenly, the speaker wants her to show them. There isn't causality in the poem for this change. And to me, it doesn't seem like this would be a graceful fall. But I think these ideas could make sense if the poem was longer and the reader knew more of the story.
I really like it. : )
-rachel