This chapter was originally going to be chapter two, but I decided to take out the first chapter because it was really long and just make a prologue. So a few of you have probably read this before, but I made a lot of changes and I added a glossary and the end.
December 2004
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Thanks for all of the suggestions! I'll make sure to fix those things in my story.
Wow. That's really good. I can totally relate to Amanda, in how she wants to be better, thinks she should be better, that whole mind state. You did a great job describing it.
I'm a little confused about the fall in the beginning. Did she really fall, or was she just visualizing it? Was she visualizing because she had fallen and couldn't do gymnastics anymore, or because Buzz made all the gymnasts do it? Clarification would make the story better.
Your transitions seemed to be a little overused. I think you used "after" a little too much. Maybe you could use a different transition? or honestly, at the end, you could probably just take out some of it, like the clean-up. (But this is your story, so write it however you like.)
Nice job!
=)