Published March 26, 2009
The earth’s empty with misconceptions
Fill the spaces with your corrections
So break the walls and limitations
Let go of the imaginations
That keep you tied to tribulations
Sink into your aberrations
Give birth to your minds creations
Form up the mighty nations
Rule it for your life’s duration
Undergo explorations
Of your world’s realizations
Take pleasure in its elations
When you give explanations
To the places filled with mutilations
Live till the end of your animation
In the painless euphoric sensation
Of the knowledge of your relations
With a world free of hates expectations
The earth’s empty with misconceptions
Fill the spaces with your corrections
So break the walls and limitations
Let go of the imaginations
That keep you tied to tribulations
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140,868 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
I really liked this poem! Great rhyming and everything, all-in-all I have to say great job!
One thing though, punctuation? I think this poem could do even ten times better than it already is if you just added some commas and periods and maybe a few semicolons. A poem with not even one sign of punctuation makes me a bit iffy, but it is all stylistically up to the author! Other than that, bravo!
[spoiler]9/10[/spoiler]
Hello! I would like to say, I wish I would have thought of this poem first.
I love it!
Ok, now to start the actual review;
Alrighty then, I would first change the word "imaginations" to something else. "Abominations" maybe? You don't have to, it's just that imaginations doesn't seem to fit into the scheme of things. I didn't know it was cause for tribulation!
Next;
Ok, I am a freak about patterns and making things seem "balanced" so to speak. I know I just finished commenting on a part in this section, but now I'm asking; why do you rhyme the first two lines, then change it for the rest of the poem? I mean, besides when you repeat the stanza at the end.
OK, I'm pretty sure elations isn't a word. It is just elation. I know it doesn't fit well into the rhyming scheme you have going, but it helps make the poem gramatically correct. Also, I would like to inspect those last two lines. Well, I already have actually
Instead of saying
Why don't you narrow it down a bit and try it a little something like this
"When you create explainations,
designed to replace the mutilations" ...? How about it?
Well, I am only making suggestions. Don't change it if the little voice in your head is saying not to!
I am finished here. I loved this poem and the picture that you created in my head, without even meaning to I presume. Stay Original