I sift through my memories,
Trying to see if it came
Naturally, or if I was
Taught to lust for men;
Planted at one end
By my society,
And if so is my fate sealed
Must I kneel, must I yield.
Or can I learn to wield my choice and
Shift wilfully along the scale,
Rail against the gods and say
This woman is my shield.
Our love is a weapon.
We do not need a sword.
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Royal here for a quick review!
First, you know from my previous reviews that I am not a fan of constant capitalization. Here especially, I think conventional capitalization at the beginning of complete sentences rather than on each line would be really effective.
I don't know what you mean by the line "Planted at one end," but it could be sleep deprivation or it could be vagueness of diction. Vagueness strikes again in the line "Shift wilfully along the scale." What scale? Why the shift? And did you mean "willfully"?
And the vagueness strikes once more at the end, where you really lose me. I'm not sure why the speaker is "railing" against the gods, or what woman is their shield, or why they're using love as a weapon. There's a lot I'm missing out on. I think if you separated this into stanzas, and then added one or two really concise stanzas that can connect that confusing ending with the good beginning, this poem would have a much larger impact. I think overall for content, this is okay. It's just not saying a whole lot; or, at least, I don't see a lot of meaning in it. There's something said about becoming a woman, and references to sex, and then it sort of transitions jerkily into female empowerment? But I don't see the connections between these ideas, nor the purpose they serve to the piece as a whole.
Now, again, this could all just be a product of fatigue. But I think this is worth working on, and looking back over, because it has the potential to be a great poem about female empowerment and finding yourself and realizing your place in the world. So don't give up! And keep writing, of course.
Hello! We've both been on here since 2011. How rare.
as well asI think that message is very strong here. I would suggest changing some of the punctuation. I noticed that there are periods used where there should be question marks. Specifically here:
There should be question marks instead of periods for correct punctuation. I would also suggest removing the last two lines or incorporating them into the beginning of the poem. They seem like afterthoughts. "This woman is my shield" is a better line to end on.
Hey there! This is only my second review so, sorry if I'm not very good at this. Still getting the hang of things : 3
First off, this poem is very empowering. As a woman, I feel quite inspired by reading this. The part that stuck with me the most was, “Or can I learn to wield my choice…” It stuck out to me because I was literally in class reading this and I almost screamed aloud “YES!”
It’s so inspiring to read this and take the meaning from it. I am able to relate to it as a woman who is taught to bend to societies will and follow under its command. Woman should be taught to be themselves and not what society wants, which is what I pulled from this poem.
Good job and sorry if I wasn’t able to give a great review but, I am still learning. Keep up the good work