Oggo the dwarf lived in a world that was flat,
He worked in the mines, down with the rats and the bats.
One day he got lost, he couldn't be found,
He stumbled upon a hole in the ground,
And fell down and down and down and down,
Right down to the upside-down Underland!
He wondered for a moment how he should stand,
Should he walk on his head or hang on with his hands?
He hadn't finished wondering but still continued to fall,
Whatever would become him now? Oggo began to bawl!
A slimy tentacle pulled him up,
An Octowoogle; just his luck!
THe terrible monster gave a humongous grin,
Oggo was sure it wished to eat him!
Truly, his situation was dire;
Out of the frying pan and into the fire!
He gave a scream, a punch and a kick,
With one last struggle he was free of its grip.
He grabbed a vine and away he swung,
Something shook it; on he clung!
A Jerrybong bird gnashed its jaws at his feet.
Yummy, thought the bird, fresh dwarf meat!
Desperately, Oggo dodged to and fro,
The Jerrybong got a chunk of his toe!
Screaming with pain, he cried,"That's rude!
I really don't want to be bird food!"
Oggo turned as he heard a roar-like moo,
Charging towards him was a hungry Donkaboo!
The Jerrybong flapped away in fear,
The Donkaboo was very near...
Oggo's life flashed before his eyes,
He didn't feel ready to die,
With sorrow he realised the end was nigh,
But tentacles grabbed him; Oggo gave a cry!
The Octowoogle bore him away to its lair,
He shuddered to think what awaited him there,
"I'm sure that I'm poisonous," Oggo desperately said,
"And you'll break all your teeth trying to crunch through my head."
"Whatever do you mean; I don't eat meat!
My diet is only roots, herbs, leeks and wheat.
However could I eat you with this trunk of mine?
So please, won't you come to my home to dine?"
Oggo accepted and they made amends,
Soon the two were the best of friens.
And Oggo thought that it just went to show,
That you shouldn't make assumptions about monsters you don't know.
I really liked this poem! You are very creative, especially in the naming of the characters. I really loved the rhyme scheme and the rhythm of the whole piece. And I just loved the twist at the end! And the message is good too. "That you shouldn't make assumptions about monsters you don't know" as in, don't judge people you don't even know. Nice. The second line is a little long though. Doesn't really fit as well as it could have. But other than that, nicely done!
Keep writing and never stop!
~Fallen
This is a wonderful poem, and I love the story it tells. It was really adorable and funny, and I love the twist at the end. Honestly, I could only find a few suggestions throughout the whole poem. Firstly, the rhyme scheme is very good, but on the second line, maybe you could say "He worked in the mines, among many a bat". I loved the way you phrased it, but I think it would fit the rhyme a little better if bat was singular instead of plural. Secondly, on line six, I think you should use the word down a little less. I love how you say he fell down and down and down, but I think it is to much that you say it twice in the next line. I was thinking about how you could reword it, maybe something such as "right to the flipped around Underland". Line thirteen, the H in the shouldn't be capitalized. Another small suggestion, that is really just an opinion, maybe instead of saying "fresh dwarf meat" you could say "a fresh dwarf to eat", I just thought the flow in that line was a little off. I only have one or two suggestions left, so please bear with me. I was just a little confused by your usage of the word nigh. I wasn't sure if it completely fit. Almost done! On the seventh to last line maybe you could take out the word leeks, I think that line could be just a little long. Lastly, on the last line, again just an opinion, maybe you could take out the word That, again, I just think it would flow a little bit nicer. This is a truly amazing poem! Please do not think I was trying to tear it apart, I know I wrote a lot, I was just trying to explain the reasons to my few tiny suggestions. Great job, and keep on writing! You rock!
Thanks so much! Those were all really useful suggestions. The bat line was very helpful- I thought just 'down with the bats' too short but 'down with the rats and the bats' a little too long- 'among many a bat' is just right, and it's a better rhyme!
I think I'll keep the 'fresh dwarf meat' but I'm changing the rest of it!
Thanks loads!