Pook walked quickly and was at the Koog's hut within minutes.
As he made to push aside the beaded curtain that served as a door, the Koog cried out to him.
"Pook Gobik!" the Koog spoke low and throatily, rasping a little. Of course the Koog would have known he was coming. The Koog knew everything, it seemed to Pook.
"Koog." Pook entered the hut, larger than any other hut on the cliff, decorated with hanging skulls and bones, powders and medicines. He knelt and inclined his head in respect to the Gobux who had raised him after his Father's death in a fishing accident.
"Hand me the child." the Koog demanded, holding out his hands. Pook handed him over readily. The Koog began his healing, pressing down on the goblet's chest; breathing into his beak and his ears. Girkom began to squirm a little and then gave a petulant wail. Pook sighed with relief. The Koog continued to work, taking a pair of lung bellows from his shelf and gently placing them in his mouth. A few minutes into his work, he suddenly spoke
"You're leaving us." the Koog stated. It was only when the Koog said it that Pook knew it was true; it had been at the back of his mind for a long time. He had known the day they would leave was coming fast and he thought that Mook probably had too.
"Yes." Pook nodded.
The Koog put the bellows aside and reached for a thick black paste. He regarded Pook sadly as he rubbed the salve into Girkom's burn, "I had hoped you would take my place, as Koog of the cliff, when the time came."
"Koog of who, though?" asked Pook, irritated. This was a difficult enough decision for him to make, without the Koog doling out his advice, "All the clans are leaving; soon, you will be the only Gobux left on the cliff."
The Koog nodded, "A Cliff needs a Koog." he stated. He took a rag- tattered and frayed but clean- and tied it around Girkom's wound. Girkom squirmed and squealed a little but the Koog was soon done. He handed the goblet, now smiling and squawking happily, back to his Pook. The Koog stared solemnly at Pook for a few minutes while he snuggled and kissed Girkom, then pronounced, "Pook, you should stay. The city is not a good place for Gobuxes. You will only meet with misery and misfortune there. I know it."
"No." Pook shook his head, angrily, "You are wrong, Koog. The only misery and misfortune is here."
"You will live to regret this. I warn you!" the Koog called after Pook as the latter stormed from the hut. Pook didn't look back at the Gobux who had raised him. He didn't see the tears running rivulets through the dye on the old Gobux's cheeks.
The Koog stared after Pook for a long time, knowing he would never see him who had been a son to him again, and that the cliff had lost its Koog and its future.
"Mook." Pook tapped his wife lightly on the wing, recalling her with a start to the world, "Mook, what are we going to do about the hut?" It was the evening after their hut had burned down and the Gobiks were huddled around a dwindling fire, shivering. Pook had returned from the Koog a few hours earlier, outwardly simmering with rage but inside deeply disturbed. But though the Koog's words had worried him, they had in no way weakened his intent.
"We can't rebuild it." she sighed. Pook nodded in agreement. Even if they had had the means, they had not the inclination, "We can't stay here, Pook."
"No."
"Where will we go?"
They knew the answer before it was spoken. They would leave the cliff, this cliff where a hundred generations of Gobiks and Gongeeps (Mook's maiden name) had lived and fished, loved and bred. They would go to the city.
Once decided upon it, the Gobiks wasted little time in leaving. All their possessions had burned in the fire that had destroyed their hut and all their friends had already moved on, so there was nothing to pack and few goodbyes to make. Really, they had only to wait until first light and start walking.
"Let's set off then." Pook said the next morning when they had all been gathered for quite some time. Mook nodded her assent but didn't move, instead continuing to stare out over the cliff at the waves. Gmisel followed her gaze, not quite comprehending what was happening but knowing it to be serious, and even the littlest goblets sensed that this was an occasion of great gravitas.
"Are we going then, Pook? Mook?" asked Gmisel after several minutes. Pook broke from his reverie.
"Of course." He set off. With one backwards glance, Mook followed him. Pook carried the two bigger goblets in his napsack, while Mook carried the three littler in her arms. Gmisel dragged a sack of weeds she and Mook had collected while Pook was gone.
Just like that, the Gobiks left the cliff-side, where they had lived for a hundred generations.
The Koog watched on still, his heart breaking.
Back again
The Koog nodded, "A Cliff needs a Koog." he stated.
"No." Pook shook his head,
knowing he would never see him who had been a son to him again
"Mook." Pook tapped his wife lightly
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You should remove the 'he stated', you're already implying that he's talking after your first three words, and it otherwise sounds repetitive.
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Add a comma after the 'No' since you're continuing his statement directly afterwords.
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Although I understand it, it's a bit confusing anyway. You use 'him' to talk about both Pook and Koog, which is hard for some people to understand. Change the first 'him' to 'the one' and it should be fine.
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Comma after 'Mook', for the same reason as before.
And the rest was fine, mostly. In the fifth to last paragraph, you switch constantly between past and present tense, and since I'm no expert in the subject, I can't really tell if you've done it right or wrong.
I also may have missed a few things, since I was more into reading the story than correcting it this time. Maybe add a time-lapse between them surrounding the fire at night and getting ready to leave in the morning?
Other than that it was fine. I'll be reading the next chapter as well, so look forward to that
Thanks- you've pointed out some really helpful things there.
I'll sort that all out when I do my edit once I've finished Part 1!
Okay, this really reminds me of the Mud People section in The Sword of Truth books for some reason, maybe the style of living?
)
But great work, the idea is still original and you're doing a great job keeping up with your story line. (Better than me
Okay, um, a couple little points were your logic is lacking and your speed breaks.
Don't worry, they're small.
Over hundreds of generations families end to spread out, and you get like HUNDREDS of members, if not THOUSANDS, in the same place. So what happened to all the other Gobiks and Gongpeeps?
Just were are they?
And why is Gobik so angry all of a sudden at the Koob?
There's no real explanation for him getting angry at him like that . . . Why? A bit of detail would help there.
Also, your world doesn't have hardly any detail overall, if this was just about one families struggle, that would be fine, but I have a feeling it isn't. And if I should be right, then you have a problem.
Really.
Also, your speed breaks at the end.
They pack up and leave too fast, it's just too sudden, with no explanation.
You also seem to be assuming that we already know what a Goblin looks like?
We don't, and we want too.
They have wings, beaks, and what?
What are they wearing, what do their houses look like?
The Koobs house was like other houses . . . are goblin houses like an apartment in New York?
Not a HUGE problem, but it needs work.
It will take nothing more than editing to fix.
Keep writing.
And great work again!
Thank you! I'll have a real look at sorting out those points. They make a lot of sense; I know what everything looks like in my head but unless I explain it the readers can't!
Well, this was an interesting chapter as well!
Seems like there might be something wrong that will happen when they leave, per chance? From how the Koog reacted to their leaving. But only time will tell, suppose. Again your verb tenses seem to all be in one form, the past, and I could not really find any spelling errors in your work.
I enjoyed the chapter and will read the third in a bit. Hope you continue to update and I'll be sure to review. Good luck with your novel and have a good day!
Soulkana<3
Thanks loads! I think you've guessed pretty right!