Published December 19, 2010
Um, I decided that I don't want to post this story just yet. I still have some more to add so...yeah. Thanks 
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,871 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
Hello there.
She didn't like the whole what exactly?
Well, I have to say that I don't really see where this is going... This doesn't quiet have a point. I hope that the next part will be up, because I have to read more about this. I love best friend love stories, because this is how you truly fall in love, right? Anyways, I have to agree with the other reviewers and ask for more information, so you might want to put that in the second part? Also, try to make this short, since it's a short story. I'm sure you could write an entire novel on this, and if you decide to, I'll be more than happy to read it all, since I love details.
Keep writing!
-Other One
[quote["Hey, Cammy." I said giving him a hug. [/quote]
PM me when you post more and I will definatly critique it as well. Good luck and welcome to YWS 
Keep writing-
You need to change the period into a coma at the end of all your diologue when clarrifying who said it.
so it would be: "Hey, Cammy," I said, (coma!) giving him a hug.
That was the major gramaticle issue I saw quite often.
Also you need to remember to spell all numbers out except with dates. Other than that you need to go over and edit some more I found a couple mistakes with grammar. You need to make sure your doing your best with that kind of stuff. There is alot of members on here that get irritated when reading stories with more than a few spelling and grammer errors. Just a helpful hint for a new member
Another thing I noticed: you seemed to have more diologue than anything else. I would die down on the diolouge and put more into your own narriation. I was told, by a college proffeser, when writing, you use diologue to show emotion and conflict between characters and when giving information about the story. Actually I think you did really well with this. You just need more information about your characters, their personality and such.
I really liked the story you had going and the relationship you had between your two MCs. I almost didn't read it, however, beacuse you had so much diologe and it seemed like ever line you had was diologue. Try putting narration into some of your paragraphs before the diologue and not after. Also don't make your first line dilogue. Your first line is always the most important because it's what brings your reader into the story. One last thing: your ending line like your beging line didn't fit. It's a cliffhanger and those are good, but who's Jason. Either add a little more about this charcter or take him out and put him in there when you do.
Overall your plot and character were found interesting. I would like to see what happens with them in the future even though I can kind of already guess the ending..... Maybe
Aly-son
That was great!
You had a couple spelling errors, punctuation problems, and grammar issues such as using "you're" instead of "your", but other than that, you have an absolutely stellar idea on your hands. I especially loved the interaction between Cameron and Juliette - it was casual, yet also a little flirty which led the reader to suspect more of their friendship. You gave just enough information about both Cameron and Juliette to give the reader a little room to make their own assumptions about them and their "relationship".
You are a very talented writer, and I would love to read more of this story!