Arms. Warmth. Security. That’s all that existed in that moment. Good, strong arms too, wrapped firmly around my midsection. It wasn’t the embrace of a family member, nor even a friend. It was the powerful, all-encompassing warmth of a lover. Man or woman, I couldn’t be sure, but it was a lover nonetheless. I was happy, happier than I’d ever been in my life. Where we were I can’t recall. Perhaps at the beach, lying on a towel with the sand surrounding us and water lapping at the shore nearby. Or in the movie theater, tucked away in a corner and too caught up in each other’s company to notice the movie playing on in front of us. We could have been in multiple places, for all I know. A bedroom, a theater, the mall, a restaurant, a crowded bar… none of it matters to me. All I remember is the embrace, and the three words that they’d whispered in my ear.
“I love you.”
Three simple words. A tiny sentence compared to most. Most would call it meaningless. But it was the most important sentence in the world to me. I can’t recall if I responded or not. All I know is that they whispered it over and over again, and I wouldn’t believe them. But then, when I tried to argue, I was interrupted by a kiss. Soft and sweet and beautifully sincere. I remember melting into their embrace, entirely at peace. It was utter bliss.
Of course, not everything can last forever.
It happened slowly, which is odd for these sorts of things. Their embrace grew colder, looser. The whispers slowed and finally ceased entirely, and my lover’s grip loosened to the point where it wasn’t an embrace, but a simple touch. A cold, loveless touch with no life to it.
My lover turns to blankets and sheets tangled around my prone form, and my eyes slide open.
Loveless again.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hey there!
This was, wow, a good story. I felt the emotion, the power. It was immense. Though, I would love it if you emphasized the emotions that you got scattered in the story. Just make them larger than life, make them steal my breath away. You're just halfway there.
Your characters are not so broad, and I can tell that that's the way you want them. So I'll leave that be.
It wasn't very broad, the story. It was loose. Which is good, saying that it was a dream. I just wish I would know how the MC feels when they don't know where they are.
I loved your last sentence. Brilliant ending.
There isn't much to review here because it is a short and sweet piece. I enjoyed it, so great job!
Keep Writing! I'd love to read more from you!
PM me for anything!
-Nike
This is an interesting way to describe love. I feel like it should be a poem instead of a short story though, and thus whittled down to something closer to lines. You have some really beautiful phrases in here that indicate poetry to me, and the only thing it is missing is some symbology, but you almost have that with saying the beach, or the outside world things that you could be anywhere.
As a short story, it seems to be lacking much of a conflict until you get to the end. You have a lot of introduction, relishing in the feeling, and then it just ends suddenly. Some short stories are like that, and it is nice and smooth, but it could be better. One way that you might be able to make it better, and you'll have to play with it and see, is changing it to present tense. Also you could expand on the words that are whispered back, or actually write a sequence of scenes where the love slowly leaves. That would be longer, but it could be interesting if you did four, one for new love, old love, losing love, and then no love. You could do it in a poem where you have four stanzas and use something akin to found poetry or repetition of the types of lines. People on here might not like it for the repetition though.
I don't know all of the structures of poetry, but I'm sure there is one that would be good for this idea. Your creativiTea is really great in this piece with how you talk about an abstract location instead of somewhere solid though. Props.
This is perfect. So true as well, it happens to me about 99% of the time! I love the transition from dream to reality. The short sentences really add effect and my favourite one is "loveless again". I can't find any flaws in this piece of literature! And the fact that you used a The Smiths lyric for the title, total win! Never stop writing because this is amazing.
Thanks!
I'm really glad you like it.
Oh my gosh do I hate when that happens. I always have dreams like that and am jerked awake by my alarm clock. I would do a review but I can find nothing wrong with it. I love the imagery! It describes how those stupid dreams end.