Removed

Nice for a beginning poem, but... maybe you jumped in to the deep end too soon. :/ I liked what you were trying to do here, but it was a little awkward, choppy, and confusing. I'm assuming that you were trying to add a mysterious element and leave something to the reader- a good thing in poetry; otherwise, work on making it a lot clearer. Try to make your descriptions a little stronger. Some of them were very good, but many felt kind of prose-y and simple. This doesn't seem like a simple sort of poem, though! Despite my criticisms, this was a fine start at poetry. After rereading it, I understood better what you were trying to say here. So, work on it some more. But you can't expect it to come easily, anyway! I know, we all want our poems to be perfect, but no one will ever have truly mastered poetry- there's always more to learn. I hope I wasn't too harsh or snobby sounding; I was trying to help! This was a good start, so keep practicing. Never stop writing!

"Everything" is spelled wrong in the first line. "When silence is the sound of the world" I love this line! "Everything felt better at night" You jump suddenly into past tense here. It is very choppy and awkward. Either keep it in present or maybe try to ease into it more... Not sure really how you're going to work that in. "You whispered I,L,You" There should be spaces here after the commas. "Your eyes , twin pools of light Then,before my life lost it's meaning" Uum, huh? I kind of lost my place here. The transition is very awkward. "When morning is just a painfull memory" Painful has only one "L." "Nothing feels better at night" Um, wait a minute. You started out saying "Everything feels better at night." A little lost here... Anyway, overall it's a very good start. I can tell it is your first, but that's fine. It just needs some tweaking here and there. Keep up the good work!

TS