The Bros Part 3
By, Griffin Bryan
Yes, I am back again with my final version of "The Bros". I know that I say this every time I do this but, I feel like people would get offended if I don’t. I would like to clarify that just because this is the third version in this serious, doesn’t mean that these guys aren't as important in my life as anyone else that I see every day in my life. In this piece I will only be talking about one specific person, the reason why I'm singling this person out is because, he doesn’t go to this school anymore, but he's still a very good friend of mine.
The person I will be talking about in this piece is Trey Anderson. Trey moved here in the sixth grade, and was only here for one year. In this one year I found a new friend that is irreplaceable. Trey was really into sports just like I was back then. Not that I’m not into sports anymore, it’s just that I take them more seriously now. Trey moved back to Clayton after sixth grade with his dad. This didn’t stop our relationship. We still would meet up on the weekends to play basketball, or play video games with some of the other bros. Now that we all have our licenses we hang out a lot more. In fact, we hung out last weekend. All of the bros I’ve talked about so far and I went to “Get Hard”. It was a really funny movie to watch with people that actually have a sense of humor. After that Trey and I rode to Connor’s so we could spend the night together. Trey and I 1v1ed after the 3v3 I talked about in the last version of “The Bros”. It was a very good challenge for me since Trey plays on varsity basketball for Clayton. He ended up winning, but I felt that it definitely improved my game, playing against someone as skilled as Trey.
Overall Trey is a very good friend from out of town. I think this very rare because usually I end up hating people from other schools because of the way they act. Trey is defiantly different though, he acts like one of us and is very down to earth. I hope I see Trey soon, it’s always fun.
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140,110 Literary Works • 673,017 Reviews
Hey it's Redbox for another review.
First of all last reviewer did have a point that this may be in the wrong part of the website due to it seeming like a journal and it looks like you removed parts one and two. I still want to review this just in case you see this as a short story.
I didn't read part one and two but I still have opinions. This does really seem like a journal and what I mean is it's like a journal where you don't put effort into writing a literary tale. What I am getting at is that it's not that interesting if your looking for a story. If you're reading a blog it is another story. One thiing is story needs a goal for a your characters so we as readers can root for them but if I am just telling about my day with no conflicts then why should people care and read to the end. They have nothing to look forward to an for. There are always exception one is that if the characters are really interesting and we can just seem them go through daily life. Anime does this a few times and The Simpsons but that only works if the character are very interesting. Honestly, I don't see interesting characters.
Overall it's too much tell than show and it's boring to me. This would be better in a blog which is what you probably did anyways.
-Redbox
Friendship that lasts forever!
First of all, I think that you posted this in the wrong category, I think this should be under the essay category or anything related to writing your personal experiences. This post was more like a journal.
In technical terms, I think you did fine writing your journal. I think you should use more pronouns instead of using 'Trey' in each of your sentence. Your second paragraph looked redundant with 'Trey', I think you should substitute it with 'he'.
I could relate to your story because after all this years, my friends and I were still seeing each other and play basketball, although it's not that often as it was during our teenage days, but it felt good whenever you're with a familiar face.
That's all I could say to your work. Tata!
This story was very floppy. It set off my floppy senses in every way possible. I also like chicken nuggets. Like, McDonalds chicken nuggets. Anyway! This story was pretty cool and well written, I have props for the writer for writing this story the way he did so. GG HOMIES
Hi!
I'm just here for a short review.
*definitely
So, first of all, I really think this should be genre-ized as "essay", not short story. It hardly seems a story to me, more like a little article or just a Jory piece in general about your friend. If you want to make it more of a short story, you should consider the basic thing we all learned in first grade: start, middle, and end . This didn't have much of a start, middle, or end, it was just what you and your friends do. Which doesn't seem like a story much, does it?
This was really sweet (should I say sweet?), though. I thought it was nice how you have such a good relationship with your friend Trey. I know, for one, that friends change after times, and you seemed to think, unlike others, Trey would always be an amazing friend.
Which I thought was amazing.
That's pretty much all my thoughts on this. I would say to add more imagery about exactly what you do with each other, y'know, more detailed and stuff, but that would've for a short story, and I'm not sure of you're aiming for a short story or this essay-feel.
Good job! Hope I helped
~ EternalRain