Published December 5, 2010
Pacing aimlessly with my feet bound through a dispiriting ocean floor
The turbulent wave's above crack and whip
While my thought's dash and slip
The world heavy above with worldly things
A burden to carry a million gallon's of water
on top your shoulder's
While pacing the seafloor
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140,836 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
I am kind of on the fence with this poem, I like it, but I don't really get it. I love vague poetry, I love having to guess at things after given just a little bit of information. But in this poem there is NO information. There is a person (male of female unknown) who is pacing the sea floor for some unknown reason. The only thing that really bugs me is that I still, even after finishing the poem, have no idea what the person in the poem is really thinking, why he/she/it is pacing, why they're tied down to the bottom of the sea, and why in the world they aren't dead.
Great poem! I could imagine being forced under the water.
I have to agree that the lack of correct punctuation was distracting, but simple mistakes = an easy fix!
-UCntCMee
It was really good although I do agree with what other people have pointed out......that it lacked punctuation. I don't know if you wanted it that way or not I'm just another to point that out. It was really good though. Good imagery, I'm not a poet so I don't know many words haha! Just this cause we just did the poetry unit in Language Arts. Lots of love. Jenn
I was very interested by this poem. I have a very strong fear of the ocean, so the metaphor and imagery really got to me. I really relate to this poem, and maybe that's why I like it so much.
Also, I really liked the vocabulary choices you made. The words aren't too "out there", and they're not too common either.
Overall, I enjoyed this poem thoroughly. I greatly encourage you to keep on writing! Can't wait to see more.
Hi greymachine!
I like this poem but am irked by the lack of punctuation at the end of your sentences, was it intentional? Also, your plural words with "s" at the end are not possessive do not require apostrophes, and frankly shouldn't have them.
I like the imagery here and I can definitely feel the weight. Keep it up.